Illustration by Kalah Allen

To the guy who was my first time making out: God, I fucking hate Truth or Dare. So, you told me you would guide me. I'm not gonna lie, I was a little tipsy from my mom's weird "extra dry California grown" white wine. Yuck. We leaned in, our lips touched. Suddenly, I felt this weird, strange object I later discovered was a tongue in my alcohol-painted mouth. It started moving around and then there was this gross "I'm chewing lots of gum" or "I'm suckling a nipple" sound. Then, I felt my tongue slowly creep over into yours. Our tongues were playing patty-cake, our lips were jump roping all over each other's faces, and LOTS of saliva was exchanged. Now, this morning I don't even have one fucking clue who you are. So thanks. Thanks for being my first makeout and not even giving me your number. I'm officially a whore.—Anonymous