I, Anonymous 

Old Fashion

Look at you in your neon and rollerblades. Kids, let me 'splain you something: We invented this whole retro-ironic thing in the late '80s, when popular culture became hopelessly, irrefutably lame. We started listening to surf music and rockabilly from the late-'50s and early-'60s. We had Man... or Astro-man. Art Chantry. You can't keep pounding the retro treadmill indefinitely. The whole point was appreciating something that was hopelessly outdated, but indisputably awesome. You can't get all retro-ironic about something that actually SUCKED even when it was popular. That just makes you even lamer than your lamest contemporaries. Say what you will about the aesthetics and music of the '50s and early-'60s—at least it was genuinely cool in its time. Now you're wearing neon like it was the early '90s? You know who wore neon in the '90s? DOUCHEBAGS. It wasn't even cool THEN. If your generation is too weak to produce anything worthwhile, you need at the very least to appropriate the style of a historical subculture that wasn't hopelessly moronic in its own time. Maybe you should try the late Victorian era. At least you nubile young things would look sexy in corsets and waistcoats.—Anonymous

Read more I, Anonymous here

To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com

Comments (19)

Showing 1-19 of 19

Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-19 of 19

Comments are closed.

From the Archives

More by Anonymous

Most Commented On

Top Viewed Stories

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy