I, Anonymous 

The Secret Ingredient

So, how did you enjoy the pot stickers I spent all afternoon making? As long as you're going to take liberties with your roommate's leftovers, there's something you ought to know: Those pot stickers had a little extra "something" to them. See, I love garlic. No, I mean I love garlic. I love it when my girlfriend gets a yeast infection and has to shove whole cloves up her pussy. Then I get to eat her out and it tastes and smells like my two favorite things--garlic and pussy. In fact, I love it so much that I use the garlic that's been all up in her yeast infected pussy so my pot stickers will taste a little bit like her vaginal juices. When I asked you how you liked them after having helped yourself without asking, I could barely contain myself when your eyes got all big and you rubbed your stomach and said, "Those were the best goddamn pot stickers I ever ate." En how. --Anonymous

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To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com

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