I, Anonymous 

SERIOUSLY, DUDE

Hey there. I'm sorry, but I need you to realize that this has got to stop. I thought I was the luckiest guy at first, the way your hand would make its way into my pants while we were watching TV. Sometimes you'd even go down on me. WOW! I thought it was a dream come true! I've always been very clear on the fact that I'm straight, so I thought I was getting oral sex without any strings. But let's not make it a regular thing. I mean, I'm pretty positive that I'm hetero. But when I tried to tell you to cool it, you got all offended. WHAT THE FUCK?!?! This wasn't the deal. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but dammit, you know I'm not gay! Obviously, I never should have let you do it in the first place. But if I'm going to get blown by anyone who's going to throw a hissy fit, I'm going to make sure it's a woman. --Anonymous

Read more I, Anonymous here

To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com

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