Illustration by Kalah Allen

Portland drivers, listen up: QUIT, oh please QUIT stopping in the middle of the road to wave me through. Whether I am a pedestrian, a bicyclist, or another car, you are not doing anyone any favors. You are creating a serious disturbance to the normal flow of traffic, confusing other drivers, and creating a completely UNSAFE way for me to cross the street. Don't be surprised if I refuse. I'm not an idiot. I see that guy behind you who has no fucking clue why you stopped and is about to blow right by. I also see the car on the other side of you who does not realize why you are stopped and has no intention of stopping himself. I see that if I could just cross the street after you pass at normal speed, as I intended to, then all traffic would remain as normal. I see that you do NOT have a stop sign and I do, so don't stop, please don't stop—you're just confusing everyone and creating timing problems for every other being on the road, including me, who now has to adjust to your idiotic "polite" driving. Just GO, people.—Anonymous