I, Anonymous 

Your Allergies Should Be Killing You

To allergy-ridden defects: My main complaint is directed at anyone who somehow truly believes that eating something commonly found in most all foodstuffs will harm them. If you cannot ingest an onion, you should die right now. If you enter a restaurant and request that no garlic be included in your dish, then you must die. You are weak and pathetic and have no place on the evolutionary chain. If you do not deign to eat soy, wheat, dairy, tomatoes, shellfish, butter, or salt--die. You fucksticks seem hell bent upon inflicting your asinine requests on those who prepare for you. The gastronomically weak have no place in the world and no place at a table in a restaurant. I hate you for who you are and what you represent and your system of belief and everything that you hold dear, including your fond childhood memories and all of the assholes who have enabled you to think that you are important and special. You need to bow out of the evolutionary race, because you have lost. --Anonymous

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To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com

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