I, Anonymous 

Door Prize

To the person who crapped on my front steps: What the hell? How nasty can you get?! As my young daughter and I left the house this morning, we barely escaped landing in a giant sloppy mass of ploppy explode-ass! "Look mama, a kitty pooped on our steps." That was nooo kitty, sweetheart, unless we have Siberian tigers roaming the streets of SE Portland at night. Plus, kitties don't east Spaghetti-Os and Corn Nuts! Damn, I hope it was an emergency. But you could have at least walked up the steps and done your business on the lawn instead of right smack in the middle of our steps. It took almost half an hour to blow it off the cement with the garden hose. And the worst part is knowing that you created this giant mass of crap and didn't have anything to wipe with. --Anonymous

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To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com

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