I, Anonymous 

Potter Slaughter

You fucking cunt!We've waited years to get to another installment of Harry Potter's commercial giant of a wizardly soap opera--only to get stuck in line at the book release party behind you, you attention starved, scary woman. (You look just like a QVC-collector's porcelain doll! Scary!) Blast you!You rejoined your friend, who was still in line, with your precious new copy clutched in your claws. Then you turned to the end of the book's heart-wrenching climactic pages and started reading aloud (!), oblivious to the head-imploding stares of everyone around you in line.If only I had muttered "Expelliarmus!" in time to cast the volume from your hands before the entire story was ruined… but no, you were too fast. A hex upon you and your friend, who should have been mortified by your spoilage. Then again, you've probably sucked his personality into your black hole because you have been, truly, trained by dementors. Muggle scum!--Anonymous

Read more I, Anonymous here

To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Comments are closed.

From the Archives

Most Commented On

Top Viewed Stories

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy