I, Anonymous 


Look, you're the coolest boyfriend I've ever had. You're smart, cute, and funny... plus you're a pilot, and that's really hot! But, for the love of christ, WHY OH WHY do you have a picture of your EX, your CURRENT ROOMMATE, and YOU engaged in a threesome pasted into a fucking scrapbook? More importantly, why did you feel compelled to bust out said scrapbook to show me an old ticket stub when you knew that retarded-ass picture was in there? That doesn't make you cool. I mean, I've had great sex with more than one person at a time, but do you see me flaunting PHOTOS of it to YOU? Your past never really concerned me until I got to see it in its full-color glory. Wow. They aren't even attractive (which was my opinion even BEFORE I knew of this debauchery). And the fact that they both still hang out over at your place MAKES ME FUCKING SICK TO MY STOMACH. That image is forever burned into my retinas. Oh, and by the way, why exactly do you all have your shoes on? And who the fuck TOOK that photo?—Anonymous

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To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com


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