I, Anonymous 

From the Cable Guy

Pardon me if I don't have any fucking compassion whatsoever for you and your "expensive" cable bill. While you sit in your living room pulling bongs, I'm busy crawling under your house, moving your porn stash, dodging maggoty burritos, and kneeling in your cat's shit just to fix your internet that you need soooo badly for your "work from home." Unless gay porn, EverQuest, and MySpace are critical to your occupation, quit acting so high and mighty and move your own fucking couch. As if it's not enough to have to rewire your whole goddamned house and fix your computer for you, then I get to hear you piss and moan that you have to pay $50 for me to do it; as well as your lame ass threats to "go to dish instead." Give it a whirl. They wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire for $50. And if money is such an issue to you, maybe you should sell your $1,200 Mac, 52" plasma TV, read a book, and get a real fucking job instead of bitching about the cost of your entertainment—you fucking douchebags!!!—Anonymous

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To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com

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