I, Anonymous 

Not Liking It

So, like, I'm, like, just, like, gonna, like, rip your freaking head off if, like, I have to, like, listen to your mindless babble, like, all day at the office anymore. Cuz, like, it's, like, kinda, like, impossible to, like, concentrate with, like, I mean, like, a brat with, like, a 10-word vocabulary splattering the air with pathetic drivel hour after hour. I mean, like, I've, like, heard you, like, say "like" over 25 times in, like, less than one minute. Kinda, like, just, like, being, like, trapped in, like, a 7th-grade school lunchroom full of Red Bull addicts for, like, eternity. Perhaps 7th-grade lunch hour was the highlight of your life. You are 29 years old—get over it. If only you had any idea how ridiculous you sound, chomping and snapping your bubblegum while you drone on about toothpaste flavors. Laughably, you consider yourself a "professional." Take your Baby Bratz attitude and giggle yourself to oblivion at the mall—us adults here have work to do.—Anonymous

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To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com

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