I, Anonymous 

Unworkable Conditions

Independent coffee shop proprietors of Portland: People fall in love, and break up, and meet other people, and fall in love with them in coffee shops. That is wonderful. But rarely do these special things happen during the day. You know what happens during the day? Papers get outlined, novels get written, poems get crafted, and spreadsheets get updated. With good lighting, comfortable couches, perfect mugs, yummy baked goods, endless cups of coffee, and not a TiVo in sight, you have created a perfect space for creativity. There is just one thing hideously, horribly wrong: TURN THE FUCKING MUSIC DOWN. We love the Cure as much as you do, but when we're on deadline or when a scene is gelling, we need a double shot of espresso and some quiet. Some acoustic songs might be in order—say, Gillian Welch or Yann Tiersen—but never too loud. So: If you like the idea of the next J.K. Rowling pumping out a masterpiece from your corner, and your lowly business becoming an international monument, or if you just care about the people who come support your business each day, turn it down.Anonymous

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To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com

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