I, Anonymous 

Ladies and Gentlemen

Over the last few years I have come to realize that it is our grandparents that influence us the most, at an early age, in the realm of manners. That being said, I would like to turn the specter of my grandmother's eye to some glaring breaches I have noticed as of late at my gym. Gentlemen: It's not that hot in here. Do you know how much sweat you just flung onto people as you walked by them, peeling off your shirt with such flourish? Neither do I. But from the looks on their faces it was 100 percent more than they were expecting. Ladies: I can accept the notion that you and your bestie need to talk about the fact that your other bestie found out that her husband has been cheating on her. ("You know who with?" "No. Who?" "That skank down at the bank." "The one with the big fake boobs?" "No. The other one. Are those fake? Really?" "Oh yeah. Totally." "I hate her." "Which one?" "What?") But I digress. Please find two machines that are next to one another. The rest of us really don't care. Really.—Anonymous

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To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com

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