Why do so many of you bastards insist on blocking the cream and sugar counter every time I get a cup of coffee? Here are a few simple guidelines for those of you too dim to figure out how to make room for others: To the Anal Retentive: Do not block the counter while you "sip test" your coffee 300 times to make sure it's just right. It's the same cup of coffee you get every freaking day. Are you actually having a problem remembering the recipe? Let me help you. Coffee, sugar, then get the fuck out of the way. To the Socialite: Do not block the counter while talking to your friends. Let me make your next conversation unnecessary: Yes, your kids will love that trendy gestalt-environmental-organic day school you have picked out for them, but they're going to be narcissistic, ill-mannered pricks like you regardless. On the plus side, they will probably recycle. Now get the fuck out of the way. To the Stoner: Do not block the counter while you test every single lid to see which one fits. Choose a lid and just say yes to getting the fuck out of the way.—Anonymous
Make Way for the Cream
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