Yes, you're beautiful. Yes, you rock oversized sunglasses. And yes, when the sun is bright I can see your eyes through those massive lenses and can see how, though your head is looking straight forward, your eyes are doing this really awkward sideways glance directly at me as you pass. What the hell is that? It's so goddamn strange to see. I first noticed it happening a couple times at the tail end of last summer yet thought nothing of it, but now that the sun is out again it happened twice last weekend and three times today. I can only assume you think your shades are more opaque than they really are and that your eyes can freely dart around without anyone noticing, but you're wrong, and it's super creepy looking because I'm actually kinda fat and you're probably looking at me in horror. I suggest if you insist on this behavior you invest in some darker shades, or save your money for new gear at Anthropologie and just gawk at me directly. And if you're actually enticed by the lump of fat and woe you're looking at, just take off the shades and say hello.—Anonymous
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.