I, Anonymous 

Keep Portland Stinky

Living in a city that has drastically changed in the last 10 years can be depressing. Portland has been subject to increasing rent, fewer jobs, heavier traffic, and all sorts of little annoyances. One thing that tops the list, which has become completely intolerable, is the throng of young men's body odor. The people of this city put up with enough, so when we go out we shouldn't have to get our food to go, or pound our drinks in a hurry, because someone thinks it's important to express individual freedom by smelling like shit. Hey, if they just smelled like shit, that would be tolerable, but they smell like ground beef that's been sitting in a wastebasket for six days smothered in cumin, onions, and sour milk. No more excuses. The Alzheimer's myth and all-natural bullshit reasoning over not using deodorant will not do anymore, as well as the excuses that deodorant is too expensive. Stop dropping $30 at overpriced hipster pubs every night and you might be able to afford a deodorant stick once in a while.—Anonymous

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To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com

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