Illustration by Kalah Allen

Dear Baby Boomer—Please stop endlessly talking about the wonderful plans you have when you retire next month: two or three trips abroad a year, sleeping in, spending time with family, reading all the books on your nightstand, and volunteering. I was happy to congratulate your accomplishment two or three times, but when you start several meetings a week with long retirement diatribes and comments about how the ability to retire is entirely based on "making good choices," that respect turned to malice. Please respect that not all of us Generation X working stiffs will see retirement before our 70th birthday. Many of us also made what we thought were good choices: started working as a young teenager, served in the military, studied hard and begged for scholarships so we could afford higher education, bought a home, and contributed to our retirement funds diligently. Sadly, many of us are getting screwed in ways you can't understand: cost of higher education outpacing Usain Bolt in a 100-meter final, employers contributing less to our retirement every year, paying into Social Security knowing it won't be there for us, and being told "keeping your job is the new raise." If the point is to make me think of you with every paycheck, mission accomplished. I'll think of you spending my donation on brunch in Paris or sunscreen in Hawaii if you'll just shut the fuck up already.—Anonymous