I, Anonymous 

Keep Portland Predictable

Tall bike? Check. Standard-issue obnoxious tall bike-riding outfit? Check. Blaring music? Check. Dildo strapped to your forehead? Check. Have we all seen it before? Of course. I will be the first to acknowledge that full-time attention whoring must indeed be quite the chore. It must be nigh on impossible to catch the eye of the seen-it-all-before denizens of Portland nowadays. But you "weirdos" just seem to keep phoning it in, as if you expect your tired shtick to still have the same draw it used to—if it ever did, that is. While I may not have any specific suggestions on upping your game, I plead with you to rise to the challenge in some way. If I see one more guy on a tall bike all bummed out because no one will even gaze in his general direction anymore I'm going to have to start some sort of support group for these miserable failures.—Anonymous

Read more I, Anonymous here

To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com



Subscribe to this thread:

Comments are closed.

From the Archives

More by Anonymous

Most Commented On

Top Viewed Stories

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy