Dear home barista guy: Fuck you, I do this for a living. For the better part of a decade, actually. It's a craft and a skill. I get up at OMG o'clock five days a week. I endure burns, repetitive motion injuries, and douche nozzles like you because I'm passionate about what I do. What I do is make kick-ass espresso. What you do is come into my shop and make underhanded comments criticizing my technique, equipment, or staff based on your very limited understanding of espresso theory. You do this in spite of the fact that you pre-grind your espresso for home use (oxidize much?), order your cappuccino to go, and once tried to tell me that a macchiato "doesn't have foam on it." Why do you think that you are in a position to criticize and demean an honest, hardworking, and passionate individual? Do me, and my staff a favor: Stay home, home barista. Make your fucking foamless macchiato with your stale espresso on your Black & Decker Express O'Matic 5000 and leave the real lattes to the pros. Stop trying to impress your constipated girlfriend with your feeble attempts to out 'spro me. May the ghost of Ernesto Illy haunt your dreams.—Anonymous
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