I, Anonymous 

Touchy Feely

Hey, male acquaintances: I know we've met each other like four times in the past three months, and it's been fun having small talk and barely getting to know one another, but I have a favor to ask you, bro: Stop fucking hugging me! You see dude, I don't really know you, and half the time I forget your name. I know you work somewhere, and you date a friend of mine's friend, so we see each other at shows or parties occasionally, and that usually involves a couple of beers. But you don't need to come up to me and hug me like I'm your best friend you haven't seen in six months. I'm not your fuckin' auntie at the family reunion. I'm just some guy you see at a bar every once in a while. I don't seek out your company, and you don't seek out mine. You probably get gas at the same place a few times a month, and see the same guy pumping it. But if you hugged him every time you got $10 in unleaded, he'd probably punch you in your face. Look, we're basically strangers, and this isn't Montessori school. We're both adult males, so a handshake is all that's required. So please, no more fucking hugging!—Anonymous

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You sound like a typically insular modern asshole. You should probably just stay home if a hug from a familiar person makes your vagina this sandy.....Oh! And could you please move to a place where the people are comparatively uptight and ugly? Comparative to you, I mean.

Posted by stillhuman on October 28, 2009 at 8:10 PM | Report this comment

@stillhuman - Seriously, okay? Stop hugging people. No one likes it. You're creepy.

Posted by Reymont on October 28, 2009 at 10:19 PM | Report this comment

Oh brother. Its a hug, get over it manly man. Its more sanitary than a handshake, at least.

Posted by Lucanus on October 29, 2009 at 7:55 AM | Report this comment

As a hugger, let me tell you - sometimes the BEST hugs are the ones that make other people uncomfortable.

Posted by Joneser on October 29, 2009 at 8:35 AM | Report this comment

fight fire with fire, next uncomfortable hug, just keep hugging and don't let go!

Posted by tw on October 29, 2009 at 8:39 AM | Report this comment

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