Jeremy Eaton
Don't kill me, okay?!? I know you're sick of voting. And now that red-state hayseeds have ruined everything for another four years, you're just about ready to crack your foot off in the ass of the next person who wants you to do ANYTHING political. But what I'm asking isn't political at all! It's just another stupid TV thing that has no real effect on the world, other than helping to lull the populace into a zombie-like coma. Okay? Okay. (Whew! That was close.)

So what I would like you to do is to vote UPN's Veronica Mars as your favorite new TV show in the world! And yes, I know you prefer Lost, and the increasingly mediocre Desperate Housewives. However, Veronica Mars is really, really, really AWESOME! And if you don't claim that it's your favorite show in the world, it'll be canceled and I'll be forced to commit suicide in some extremely gruesome fashion. How? THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW, OKAY?!? (Alright, fine. I'll kill myself by eating 20 pounds of broken glass coated with rat poison. Happy?)

I know there's some very good reasons you haven't been watching Veronica Mars--which are as follows: (1) "It's on UPN, and only drippy-ass Star Trek geeks watch UPN." That's a good point. However, it's not Veronica Mars' fault that it's on a crappy network! (2) "Isn't Veronica Mars, like, some stupid Nancy Drew rip-off?" Yes! I mean, NO! I mean it's kind of a rip-off of Nancy Drew, but it's like if Nancy Drew was really HOT, and funny, and complicated and... oh, screw it. Here's what Veronica Mars is all about.

See, it all takes place in the seaside California town of Neptune, where 17-year-old Veronica and her pappy reside. After her best friend Lilly was mysteriously murdered, her cop pop unsuccessfully tried to pin it on Lilly's rich and powerful father--turning both Veronica and Pop into Neptune's most hated assholes. After her mom takes off, Pop starts a private eye agency, which gives the now unpopular and snoopy Veronica something to do in her spare time.

Though Veronica Mars may skate to the edge of stoopid, the snappy Buffy-esque scripts, and the excellent acting of the teenage cast (who are regular Laurence Oliviers compared to the O.C. kids) elevate the show into something tons smarter than the average program you're too embarrassed to admit you watch (Smallville, anyone?).

And so THAT'S why I need you to vote for Veronica Mars. Currently the show has just around 2.64 million viewers, which sounds GREAT--until you compare it to Desperate Housewives, which has 21.6 million viewers. So all you have to do is turn on your TV to Veronica Mars, on UPN, every Tuesday night at 9:00 p.m. Just think--your vote can make it 2.64 million and one! So come on, everybody! "Rock the Remote!" (Oh, god. Now you can kill me.)