Jeremy Eaton

So I know a lot of you guys are mad at Kanye West right now... wait. Correction. A lot of you guys are mad at Kanye West ALWAYS, but you're particularly mad at him now, following his latest performance at the Grammys.

For those who missed it, Beck won "Album of the Year" over Beyoncé, causing Kanye to rush the stage. BUT! Instead of yanking the mic away and going on an "Imma let you finish" rant (like he did with Taylor Swift back in 2009), he stopped—smiled at the audience—and ran back to his seat. Now that would've been hailed as a universally hilarious joke, and a sly reference to his past shenanigans... but backstage he began ranting about how Beck isn't an "artist" and didn't deserve the award. (Which is completely true, BUT BESIDE THE POINT!)

Kanye needs to realize—along with the rest of the internet—that just because one is in possession of an "opinion," it doesn't necessarily need to be shared with the planet. Take me, for example: I have LOTS of opinions, and yet? I only share, maybe, .000037 percent of them every week. I only give you the good stuff! But even though no one gives a crap, Kanye and the rest of the internet shart their opinions on you every second of every day. In short: No one wants to hear ALL those opinions, Kanye and the internet! (And that is my opinion for the week!)

OH, WAIT! One more opinion. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing Kanye interrupts people all the time... I just want him to be more selective, and interrupt the people I want him to interrupt! For example, I think it would be awesome if we paid Kanye to interrupt TV shows other than the Grammys... such as...

The Academy Awards (ABC, Sun Feb 22, 8:30 pm). Five bucks says George Clooney will take the stage and launch into a speech designed to make us feel guilty about something. This is a perfect opportunity for Kanye to jump up, grab the mic, and give a counter lecture on how his wife, Kim Kardashian, is the Madeleine Albright of pop culture, and scold the audience for not buying his new line of pleather trousers.

The Odd Couple (CBS, Thur Feb 19, 8:30 pm). Based on the Neil Simon play (and early '70s TV show), The Odd Couple now stars Matthew Perry (Friends) and Thomas Lennon (Reno 911!) as divorced roomies, slobby Oscar and fastidious Felix, respectively. Kanye will make a surprise guest appearance as himself to interrupt and remind us that true artistry never relies on imitation... except of course, when it comes to all those song samples he's been borrowing over the years. Ahem.

Parks and Recreation (NBC, Tues Feb 24, 10 pm). Let's all say a wistful goodbye to Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler), Ron's mustache (Nick Offerman's mustache), and the rest of the P&R staff in the final episode ever of this great series. Oh, wait... Kanye just popped into my office to remind me that, in fact, HE'S the greatest, and that, actually, Beyoncé should be writing this column. (DAMN IT, HE'S RIGHT AGAIN!!)

This Week on Television

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 18

10:00 FX THE AMERICANS

Paige makes a surprising birthday wish—to visit her first gulag!

10:30 COM BROAD CITY

The one day Abbi and Ilana leave their camera phones at home, they see a dog wedding! WHAT ARE THE ODDS??

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 19

8:00 NBC THE SLAP

Harry gets a visit from the police, specifically the "slap division."

8:30 CBS THE ODD COUPLE

Debut! "Imma let you finish... but this show's gonna be terrible!"—Kanye West.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 20

11:30 TOON THE JACK & TRIUMPH SHOW

Debut! 30 Rock's Jack McBrayer and Conan's Triumph the Insult Comic Dog in a sitcom together? YES, PLEASE.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 21

8:00 LIF BABYSITTER'S BLACK BOOK—Movie

(2015) Teens turn their babysitting business into an escort company for horny dads. (Lifetime... the network for women!)

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 22

8:30 ABC THE ACADEMY AWARDS

If Young Guns and Young Guns II don't win, I'm going to murder the galaxy.

9:00 AMC WALKING DEAD

Rick and the gang meet "a friendly person." In the words of Admiral Ackbar... "IT'S A TRAP!!"

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 23

9:00 HBO CITIZENFOUR—Documentary

(2014) A terrific documentary about NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden.

10:00 AMC BETTER CALL SAUL

Jimmy's idea to build his client base steps on some very big and ugly toes.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 24

10:00 FX JUSTIFIED

Boyd revisits his old mining days—with the intention of blowing crap up.

10:00 NBC PARKS AND RECREATION

Series finale! The entire gang reunites for the sole purpose of making me cry like a goddamn baby. (SOB!)