Joe Newton

One of the great regrets of my life is that I look like an idiot when I wear a hat. I JUST DON'T LOOK GOOD IN THEM!! And believe you me, I've tried on every type of hat: fedora hats, beret hats, pork pie hats, derby hats, cowboy hats, top hats, baseball hats, fez hats, pillbox hats, turban hats, viking hats... but no matter what hat I try on, I look like the most awful a-hole on the planet. But the good news is, you look dumb in hats, too. In fact, you look nearly as bad as I do—but no one wants to say it to your face, because they're afraid someone will tell them they look terrible in hats. (Which they do.)

The only person in the world who doesn't look terrible in a hat? Raylan Givens from the series Justified—which sadly concludes this week (FX, Tues April 14, 10 pm). NOOOOO!!! Guys, I LOVE me some Justified, which is one of the best, unsung series on television. Why? TWO REASONS: (a) Justified is a great modern TV western (even though it's set in Kentucky... more on that later), and (b) Raylan Givens' hat. In the show, Raylan (played to near-perfection by Timothy Olyphant) is a US marshal who's stationed in the hillbilly haven of Harlan County, Kentucky, and insists on wearing a Stetson—the classic American cowboy hat.

Now it should be noted that on Timothy Olyphant, a Stetson looks like it was genetically modified to sit perfectly on his head. Conversely, when I try on a Stetson, it immediately shape-shifts into one of those really tall idiot hats that Pharrell wears. (Seriously, Pharrell... STOP IT.) Anyway, that gorgeous Stetson has become an essential character in the series; looking fantastic, but also grounding Justified in the tropes of western movie classics such as Rio Bravo, High Noon, and Winchester '73.

Here are the basics: Based on a short story by Elmore Leonard, Raylan was born and raised in Harlan, but escaped the coalmines to become a US marshal in Miami, where he becomes famous for his fugitive-catching ability and quickdraw shooting style. After one particularly controversial shooting, Raylan is transferred (read: condemned) to Harlan—but as it turns out, his in-depth knowledge of the area and its hillbilly citizenry make him extremely adept at his job... which sometimes includes shooting people. (But he's always polite about it, so there's that!)

However! While Raylan's laconic, stone-cold demeanor goes a long way, Justified is a next-level show thanks to its amazing cast. In particular there's Boyd Crowder (Walton Goggins, who is sooooo good), Raylan's childhood pal who goes wildly astray, starting out as a white supremacist bank robber who eventually turns to religion and later, the drug trade. Distorted mirror images of each other, Raylan and Boyd have been crossing the double yellow lines of morality since the beginning (working against and with each other)—but in this, the sixth and final season, there's only one destination where this highway can end: in a series-ending showdown.

So don't just sit there! Binge watch all six seasons of Justified—because after Raylan Givens is gone, no one (especially ME) will ever wear that hat again.

This Week on Television

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 8

10:00 FX THE AMERICANS

Rooskie Oleg is given a new and risky assignment—which may or may not be trying the entire McDonald's menu.

THURSDAY, APRIL 9

10:00 FX THE COMEDIANS

Debut! Billy Crystal is mismatched with Josh Gad to produce a comedy show. (Actual hilarity ensues.)

10:30 FX LOUIE

Season premiere! Louie attends a potluck supper and brings a casserole dish full of awkward.

FRIDAY, APRIL 10

All Day Netflix DAREDEVIL

Debut! The entire season of Marvel's blind superhero debuts on Netflix... and no Ben Affleck!

9:00 SHO ELVIS COSTELLO: MYSTERY DANCE

A musical documentary featuring interviews with Costello as well as past performances.

SATURDAY, APRIL 11

9:00 STARZ OUTLANDER

Claire cares for an abandoned child—but still makes time for hot sex with Jamie.

11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

Hosted by Taraji P. Henson who brilliantly plays Cookie Lyon in the brilliant Empire! SQUEEEEEEE!!

SUNDAY, APRIL 12

9:00 HBO GAME OF THRONES

Season premiere! GUYS! Make sure your stolen HBO GO password still works!

10:00 AMC MAD MEN

Roger gives Don some advice—aaaaand nothing about this is a good idea.

MONDAY, APRIL 13

9:00 AMC TURN

Season premiere! It's another season of Revolutionary War spy-nanigans!

TUESDAY, APRIL 14

9:00 CW IZOMBIE

In order to uncover clues, Liv must eat the brains of her murdered sorority sister. EWWWW!!

10:00 FX JUSTIFIED

Series finale! The epic battle between Boyd, Ava, and Raylan's hat comes to an end.