I, Vibrator 

The Latest in Techno-Vibrator Technology

IMPULSE JACK RABBIT

Vibrator aficionados are already well aware of the crazy satisfaction derived from the Jack Rabbit vibrator. Not only is this realistic dildo augmented by rotating pearls in the center of the shaft, it also has vibrating bunny ears which tickle the clitoris into submission. (Something the male penis definitely doesn't have. Thanks a pantload, evolution!) Happily, this classic design has been improved with a high-tech upgrade and a new name: the Impulse Jack Rabbit. The controls have been moved to the handle, with even more variations of speed and pulse rate. Those naughty pearls can now spin at SIX different speeds, and the bunny can hop in SEVEN different variations. Plus it glows in the dark! This baby is so freaking fast-forward, it's like a Terminator vibrator--coming straight from the future to rock Linda Hamilton's box!

Suggested Retail Price: $79.95

BUZZING BUTTERFLY

Don't be fooled by the gentle name! This multifunctional vibrator is to butterflies what Mothra is to a moth! It's a strap-on rollercoaster ride with 10 levels of vibration and five different escalation speeds--and while the straps may look a little daunting, you should thank your sweet Christ they were included. Otherwise this thing would probably take off down the street with you chasing after it like a big dumb jerk. First, strap this technological monstrosity on to your favorite pillow, waist, or thigh. See those bunny/slug ears? Those are for wiggling and tickling the little man in the boat. See that little corkscrew thingy at the rear? That's for teasing "the bottom hole." See that huge tidal wave of a dildo in the middle? That's a conductor for electricity to blast through, sending trembling power to its bulbous head, which will then shake your g-spot like Katherine Hepburn after five shots of espresso. The only thing missing is a computer chip designed to let you know when Nordstrom is having their next shoe sale.

Suggested Retail Price: $69.95

FUKUOKU GLOVE

This is a great product, especially if your lover has a fetish for the Dr. Doom character from the Fantastic Four comic books. Now you can harness the awesome power of the human orgasm in your very own hand with the Fukuoku Glove. Simply slip on the nylon glove, tighten the strap, stare intently into your palm and start laughing maniacally like this: "BWAAH-HA-HA-HAAAAA!" Then say something like, "Foolish mortal! You thought you could escape the trembling pleasure of the Fukuoku Glove? Now you will cast your eyes upon its awesome power!" At this point flip the switch on the power pack, which will activate the mini-vibrators hidden within each fingertip. "Ha-HAAAAA," you might want to cackle. "No one can resist the mighty Fukuoku Glove! And just in case you plan on making your escape via the hot tub--my glove is also waterproof, and can be used with my favorite lotion or massage oil with virtually no worries! Now that you can see there's no possible escape, prepare to submit to my every dirty-minded whim! By the beard of Odin, you WILL squeal in delight as I use my all-powerful glove to rub your juicy bits!" Okay, maybe leave that last part out. It's kinda gross.

Suggested Retail Price: $55

Online go to

www.mypleasure.com , or

www.toysinbabeland.com . For more toys, drop by any of the following fine local establishments: Spartacus, 300 SW 12th, It's My Pleasure, 3106 NE 64th, Castle Superstore, 9815 SW Capitol Hwy.

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