Illustration by Kalah Allen

There is a new exploitation out there called "pet rent." All I want is to live in a nice house for a normal-ass price, and take care of that shit like I own it while I'm saving enough money to one day actually own something like it. Maybe you've owned this dream so long you've forgotten what a struggle it is to strive for such a thing. Or maybe you were always such an entitled asshole this never occurred to you, but there are those of us looking to rent homes who also have the companionship of pets who don't want to be dicked over for $1,200 extra in rent a year to keep the animals we've had for a decade. I am the best renter you'll never have, and I hope the person who lies to you and says they have no animals costs you a lot of money.—Anonymous