Kalah Allen

I WAS TRYING to enjoy the new Star Wars in IMAX. You were sitting right behind me and started whimper-crying in the most pathetic way. Mind you, this started around the time Han and Leia were reunited, so I couldn't understand what the fuck could be so fucking sad at that point in the film?!? I thought you might have been crying tears of joy at seeing the old lovebirds together again—but no, something much more horrible was amiss, because the sobbing literally didn't stop for another 40 minutes. There was also the occasional random snickering mixed in with your primal, childlike weeping, which led me to the conclusion that you were in the middle of a really bad psychedelic trip. Please know that your emotional, probably drug-induced breakdown was a less-than-ideal soundtrack, and frankly, was kind of scary. Next time, please go with a sober friend who can kindly escort your blubbering ass out of the theater before you completely ruin the experience of other moviegoers.—Anonymous