Jeremy Eaton

Who the HELL does Hilary Duff think she is?! See, I'm pretty sure I know who Hilary Duff is, because I've been following her career for years, and may or may not be a "platinum member" of the Hilary Duff International Fan Club. Not only do I own every episode of Lizzie McGuire on DVD, but it was ME who wrote all those nasty letters to Lindsay Lohan when she tried to poop talk the Duff! (If memory serves, I wrote something like, "Back the eff OFF, skank, or I'll stick my foot up your juicy box!" Don't believe me? I still have the restraining order to prove it.)

Why, yes, I did support Hilary during her ill-advised pop singing career (even though only 17 people actually bought her CDs). And if you just happen to be wondering who was first in line at the theaters when she appeared in Cheaper by the Dozen 1 AND 2? Why, that would be me. So when I say I am disappointed in Hilary Duff? Then that means YOU should be disappointed, too!

See, two weeks ago I received news that Hilary Duff may be joining the cast of the new Beverly Hills, 90210 (debuting this Fall on The CW). Now, to you, this may mean nothing—but to me? It was like getting an h-job from Angelina Jolie while I watch Battlestar Galactica. Never before in the history of the world has there been a better pairing (if you don't count pouring Pixy Stix on top of Cap'n Crunch) than Hilary Freaking Duff on Beverly Freaking Hills, Freaking 90210! It's genius! It's perfection! And of course...

It didn't happen.

Oh, she was offered the part, all right. And a starring role as well! But then she turned down the offer "because she is looking for projects that are outside of the teen genre in order to expand her image." WTF?! Who does she intend on playing? Eleanor Freaking Roosevelt? She's Hilary mothereffing Duff for freaking frak's sake!

It's not like the acting world is beating down Duff's door with Oscar-worthy roles! Seriously, I think she'd be hard pressed at this point to be included in Celebrity Big Brother. And yet, she turned down what could've been the greatest role of her career (the same one that made Shannen Doherty a mega-star), just so she wouldn't have to play a teen. Hillary... half the freaking original cast of 90210 was 35 or older! In fact, I'm pretty sure the gal who played Andrea Zuckerman was 73 years old at the time!

Thanks to Hilary's idiotic decision, her role has now been offered to Shenae Grimes of Degrassi: The Next Generation. Now, I love Degrassi as much as the next squealing pubescent girl, but Grimes is a poor substitute for the Duff. That's why I'm imploring all 46 members of the Hilary Duff International Fan Club (of which I may or may not be a member) to write to our idol and force her to right this horrible wrong. Duff and 90210 go together like Kelly Taylor and STDs! (90210 fans will get that joke.)