YOU GUYS, I'm sad.
I was a teenager in the '90s. I watched Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison hundreds of times. The Wedding Singer still holds a very special place in my heart. I straight up like Drew Barrymore.
But Blended. Oof. What can we say about Blended?
Well, let's start with the obvious: It's fucking terrible and will make you wish you were dead. Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore star as single parents who find themselves and their kids on a dream vacation to "Africa." (FYI: There are 54 states and countries in Africa.) The first joke to land a big laugh at the screening I attended was about roofies; the rest of the jokes were purely racist. Plot: Will these white people ever fall in love?! Spoiler: UGH, FUCK YOU.
Sadly, the terribleness of this film is not surprising: We are a people who made Duck Dynasty a thing. We made Go-Gurt. We wear Crocs. We deserve Blended. Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore are extremely wealthy; they don't need to do this. But they did, because this is a cynical world, and they can get richer, so what the hell.
I'd like to live in a better world. But we suck, so Blended is what we get.
Shaquille O'Neal is good in it, though.