I'm Staying Home 

Movies on a Plane

Sure, okay, every once in a while, some terrorists get onto a plane and manage to crash it into a building or a field or whatever. But United 93 aside, usually great, super-fun stuff happens on planes!

Airplane! (1980)—A kajillion TV showings have pretty much run this absurdist comedy into the ground. (Get it? HA!) But remember the first time you saw it? It was hee-larious! My two favorite jokes: the old white woman who can speak jive, and then that dude who says, "I have a drinking problem," then throws a glass of water onto his face. Get it? He can't drink! HA! On second thought, this movie isn't funny at all. I kind of hate it.

Air Force One (1997)—Fuck yeah, bitches! Just you try to take over a plane that Harrison Ford's on! He'll kill you. Even if he's old and decrepit and probably has Alzheimer's, he'll kill you. 'Cause he's the president. And he doesn't like it when foreigners try to take over Air Force One! As an added bonus, this film contains the worst CG plane crash ever. Plus, Harrison Ford killing foreigners.

Executive Decision (1996)—Starring Kurt Russell and Steven Seagal! Those two dudes are so awesome that having them in one movie is like if Jesus and Santa Claus showed up at your house at the same time. Your head would probably explode if you answered the door right then! You'd be like "Holy shit! Who do I say hi to first?!" Unless you're Jewish. Then you'd just be like "Uh, hello? Who're you guys?"

Soul Plane (2004)—Dude, it's the craziest premise ever: WHAT IF BLACK PEOPLE RODE ON PLANES?! I bet they'd have hydraulics on the plane, and a dancefloor, and their safety video would be a hiphop music video, and Snoop Dogg would be the pilot, and Mo'Nique would be all sassy and shout a lot, and maybe just for fun they'd bring along Tom Arnold! Yes! That's what black people would do if they rode on planes! Which they don't.


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