The brief period of Portland history where it seemed like TriMet would actually fund and build a bike path that played Simon and Garfunkel as people pedaled over it has—tragically—come to a close. TriMet planned to install a "sonic bike path" of concrete grooves that would sound like "Feelin' Groovy" as bike wheels rolled over them on the new Portland-Milwaukie light-rail bridge over the Willamette. But last week, the project's public art committee announced that the sonic path's $200,000 price tag was a bit out of its budget range.

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You know what the kinda-vacant "jobs district" of South Waterfront could use? A jail for immigrants! After heated debate between the city and SoWa neighbors, city council unanimously approved an Immigration and Customs Enforcement plan to build a seven-story office building and detention center. People suspected of being undocumented immigrants will be housed in the building's four jail cells during processing, then either released, transferred to county jail, or shipped to Tacoma for deportation.

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The race for Mayor Sam Adams' seat is already taking absurdity to the max. After 19-year-old Max Brumm declared his candidacy for mayor over the summer, a second young Max has jumped into the race: 22-year-old Max Bauske (who, like the other Max B., is a community college student). "I'm the real Max for mayor," said Bauske when he filed the official paperwork.