It Sure is a Scientific World 

I Wish You Diarrhea

@Normal= @Normal=[S"","Normal"]<*L*h"Standard"*kn0*kt0*ra0*rb0*d0*p(0,0,0,0,0,0,g,"U.S. English")Ps100t0h100z12k0b0cKf"Times-Roman"> @$:<@$p><*C*p(0,0,0,16,0,0,g,"U.S. English")>I Wish You Diarrhea! <*L*d(1,3)*p(0,0,0,10.6,0,0,g,"U.S. English")> We¹ve all heard how good it is to eat healthy foods, exercise, and have a few drinks every day. But the latest health findings just may coax you to squirt in your pants! <*d0*p(0,0,0,10.6,0,0,g,"U.S. English")>What is the latest health-related scientific bombshell that¹s spewing forth from the mouths of the experts? Why, it¹s our old friend ³Diarrhea²! It seems that in so-called third-world countries<\m>where contaminated drinking water is a constant irritation<\m>colon cancer rates are far lower than they are worldwide. In a study presented by the National Academy of Sciences, it is suggested that toxic strains of bacteria that cause diarrhea (E. coli, for instance) irritate the bowels in such a way that they prevent certain anal cells from becoming cancerous. Because of a perpetual preponderance for diarrhea-inflicted populations, ³poorer countries seem less prone to colon cancer, the fourth leading cause of cancer in the world,² the NAS report states. This news immediately gave me pause for reflection, and I recalled an interesting anecdote that I¹ll share here. An acquaintance of mine, an Englishman named Richard, and his American girlfriend once vacationed in Abu Dabi, India, presumably seeking a good curry. Modern plumbing in Abu Dabi is practically non-existent. Trenches that reservoir human excreta accompany and parallel every footpath and paved thoroughfare. According to Richard, one can only wait so long before the call of the wild necessitates the use of these free-flowing fecal culverts. Soon enough, he and his girlfriend inevitably swallowed their modesty and disgust, and cumulatively made ³a substantial deposit into the World Bank.² Imagine their surprise when curious villagers gathered around the squatting couple, to better observe their excretions, while whistling, pointing, hollering, and encouraging others to join in the amusement. Why bustle over a tourist crap and poke it with sticks? Because the turds were solid! No one there had ever seen a solid shit before. Diarrhea in Abu Dabi is a given. However! My new theory is, instead of being amazed at the thickness and fortitude of plopping tourist stool (as Richard believed the Abu Dabis were), they could have been saddened instead, thinking the young couple was well on the way to double colonectomies! So, with good will in my heart, I wish each of you a lifelong dose of the trots, because sometimes, maybe I care too much.

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