AS SADLY EXPECTEDโ€”because good things must always come to an end, and beautiful butterflies must be allowed to fly freeโ€”Ian Karmel, Portland comic genius and author of the Mercury's super popular column Portland as Fuck, is moving to Los Angeles to seek his fortune. Here are a few questions we had for him:

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MERCURY: WHY? WHY? WHY? WHYYYYY???

IAN KARMEL: The time is right... well, the time will be right pretty soon. I wouldn't leave Portland if I didn't feel like there were opportunities waiting in Los Angeles. This isn't an easy city to leave, but if I'm ever going to own a home here and live in that, instead of a series of oranger and oranger American Property Management apartments, I need to go down to LA and make some things happen. You know how Jay-Z had to go buy drugs in Virginia so he could sell them in New York? I'm doing pretty much exactly the same thing.

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When are you moving, and on whose couch will you be sleeping?

I'm not leaving until August, so I've got one last summer in Portland! I'll be putting on a bunch of shows, including one big going-away show on August 1. I'm getting a place with a friend of mine when I move down there.

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How much longer will you be writing Portland as Fuckโ€”which is to say, when do our tears of laughter cease and our tears of sadness begin?

I'll write Portland as Fuck right up until I leave and then for a little while after I move just to upset people at the Willamette Week.

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Any plans to come back? Like in two weeks?

I'll be back all the time! I hope to keep doing shows here when I can and I'm close with my family. I'd love to end up living here again someday. I'm going to be pitching a lot of TV shows with "So it takes place in a city like Portland, Oregon..."

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Do you have any idea how cool you are, and how much we'll miss you?

I love you and like I said, I'll be back all the time! Don't make that face at me with the sad lip.