SURE, I'M THE CEO OF NIKE. But I'm people...just like you. That's why I drive a cab. Driving a cab helps people remember that I'm people--and have feelings. Sometimes people forget. They think I'm just this rich ogre who drives a cab. For example, a fare stiffed me last week. He had the money, I'm sure of it. And I wasn't talking down to him or anything. I was very friendly.

I was just telling him how it pisses me off that everyone thinks Nike is going down the toilet. I mean, just because in '97 I was 39th on the Forbes 500, and this year I'm down to 124, does NOT exactly make me a loser! I've got 3 billion bucks, for Christ's sake. Do YOU have 3 billion bucks? And my company is doing very, very, very, very well. This quarter revenues increased four percent. Now four percent may not mean much to YOU, but four percent to ME means an extra 2.3 billion bucks! Do YOU have 2.3 billion bucks?

Okay, so we dropped five percent in the States. Big fucking deal! Europe increased 11 percent, the Americas increased 15, and Asia fucking Pacific increased 21 fucking percent! That is NOT the...the...indication of a failing company! And if you're talking about futures...WELL! We're through the fucking roof!

And so WHAT if those fucking...whaddayacallit...ingrates at University of Oregon want to badmouth MY company...the company that fucking MADE that goddamn football team? I say fine. FUCK...YOU. Let's see how you fucking piss-ants do without my money. You can't piss on my foot, and expect me you know Tiger Woods uses Nike golf balls? Exclusively? That's because Nike is SPORTS. And I am SPORTS. And if I wanna use labor from fucking Ho Chi Minh, or fucking MARS for that matter, I'll do it, and everybody else can SUCK MY DICK.

And that's all I said. Then my fare jumps out and stiffs me! People. Who can figure 'em?