LETTERS TO THE EDITOR 

THE PARENT TRAP

RE: "Kids" [Portland as Fuck, Aug 7], in which author Ian Karmel rants about Portland parents who dress their kids like they're "opening for the Thermals" and start their kids on solving Rubik's Cubes while still in utero.

Yeah—There are a lot of uptight parents in this area, to the point that it's funny. It never occurred to me that what I thought was a stick up their ****** was actually a Rubik's Cube.

posted by Sara Hamill

If you're going to smother your offspring with your inflated expectations, at least get your daughters some ballet or dance lessons while they're growing up so they have a sense of rhythm when they inevitably start stripping.

posted by JRRTrollkien

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NO FORGIVENESS

RE: "Central Casting" [Film, Aug 7], in which author Zac Pennington says Blue Jasmine is actually a pretty good Woody Allen film this time. Really.

In spite of this review, I will not willingly see this movie. I might be forced to see it if my mom is owning the remote or I am held hostage in a rest home. Midnight in Paris was the last shitty Woody Allen movie I will ever be fooled into willingly seeing.

posted by I'mrightyourwrong

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UNFLATTERING HULK

RE: "One Hulk's Opinion" [New Column!, Aug 7], specifically regarding the illustrated portrait that accompanies missives from Hulk.

DEAR MERCURY—"One Hulk's Opinion" is still funny, but the Hulk picture is AWFUL! I would prefer the old Hulk picture, or any classic Hulk comic book image.

 Isaac Hudson

HULK RESPONDS: Hulk prefer old Hulk picture, too—but CBS TV copyright department say Hulk can't use Hulk's own picture! CBS worse than General Thunderbolt Ross!

Hulk

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THAT DANG DENIS

RE: "Prosecutor Explains Legal Advice to City on Camping Ordinance" [Blogtown, Fri Aug 9], in which News Editor Denis C. Theriault further chronicles the legal debates surrounding the city's policy regarding the occupation of sidewalks. Also referenced is Theriault's turn as a Jeopardy! contestant, as told in "I Won on Jeopardy!" [Feature, April 27, 2011].

Denis—You spend an awful lot of time talking to lawyers, cops, and politicians, but precious little time actually talking to homeless people and their advocates. This kind of matter-of-fact reporting on the city's line just makes you a mouthpiece for the establishment.

posted by Rob Banks

Okay, the dude totally fucked up an EASY FINAL JEOPARDY QUESTION that could have made him a two-day winner, if I'm not mistaken, but basically calling him a tool or mouthpiece for the cops and the PBA [Portland Business Alliance] is complete and utter nonsense.

posted by frankieb

This is actually a clever piece of advocacy journalism. It effectively provides a road map of how not to get cited under the camping ordinance.

posted by Babygorilla

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NO JOUSTING

RE: "Worst. Night. Ever!" [Feature, Aug 7], in which author Wm. Steven Humphrey attends the Canterbury Renaissance Faire at the behest of cruel Blogtown readers.

DEAR MERCURY—The thing about all these ren fair nerds is that they're about as clued in on the actual history they're evoking as a 90-year-old is about the difference between the internet and Twitter. In MY ren fair, 90 percent of entrants would immediately be directed to perform manual labor for three days from dawn to dusk. On the last day they'd be sorted by religious beliefs, formed into groups, and then they'd stab each other to death. The remaining 10 percent are expected to produce superlative scientific and humanist works that question neither the state nor Catholic doctrine. There is no fucking jousting.

A

NOW THAT SOUNDS like an experience, A! Promise us there will be no crêpes, and we'll totally put it in My, What a Busy Week! In the meantime, please enjoy the proud glow of having won this week's Mercury letter of the week, with two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, where accurate and inaccurate depictions of history are frequently on rotation.

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