Illustration by Michael Eaton

A BAD SHOW

RE: "I Will Not Perform in This City" [Music, March 5], regarding the hiphop show at the Blue Monk that was recently disrupted by police.

DEAR MERCURY—At the encouragement of the Mercury's My, What a Busy Week! I dropped into the Blue Monk to catch this so-called "real deal" Luck-One. A baby-faced, rookie-looking, white, male Rip City PD officer almost created a large problem. Outside [the club there were] like five rollers with lights on, all on scene, blocking traffic and all. About then, some white dude on the sidewalk, who obviously supports marijuana according to his headgear, is saying things like, "Admit it, you guys are racist." Here is where rook cop walks over and starts to challenge the soon-to-be-next-Kid-Rock, by saying stuff like, "You're the only one causing a scene. Is there a problem?" Bear in mind rook is all in his proverbial grill, with other gun-toting cops rolling in for backup. Cops know this is Saturday night, late, where some may be slightly, if not totally, inebriated. Where is the high road from the sober, authoritative class?

Fred Murray


NO KNIGHT NEEDED

RE: "Mean Streets" [Letters, March 5], in which reader Mr. Greener points out that homeless "travelers" should take into account the fact that they can make women feel intimidated on the street.

MR. GREENER—Thanks for taking the time out of your day to "think about what it's like for petite young ladies" who must "walk through a crowd of stoned or drunken homeless men." As one of these nubile young women, I have to inform you that when I walk through a crowd of homeless folks I think about their family of origin and the drugs or violence they might have faced, which may have led to their current state of homelessness.

Mary Doyle


LET'S NOT AND SAY WE DID

RE: Debate Club [Music, recurring], in which we pit two music writers against each other to debate the finer points of musical acts, with specific reference to a Feb 26 edition about Genesis.

Debate Club: Let's!

Tom1: I am of the opinion that this latest Debate Club is so incredible that the Mercury never needs to do another one.

Tom2: Interesting. That's what you said about the Debate Club on Huey Lewis... I think the Mercury should run this feature in every issue.

Tom1: Wouldn't readers get burned out if Debate Club appeared every week? 

Tom2: Maybe...

Tom1 and Tom2


ENTER SARCASM

RE: "Bending the Law" [News, March 5], regarding the enforcement of a little-known police policy targeting sidewalk use.

DEAR MERCURY—Hold your dog's leash and make sure you're on the right side of the sidewalk while you're singing the blues, bubba. And oh, of course please make sure you're not a "dirty and unsafe" vagabond, because in Portland if your beard is too long you might be endangering the "pedestrian-use zones," and we don't like that. We like to keep things weird here!

Dustin M. Armstrong


SCIENCE, DON'T ABANDON US!

RE: "Cosmos (The Show, Not the Drink)" [I Love Television, March 5], in which author Wm. Steven Humphrey wonders why science hasn't invented a way to pop out his eyeballs for drug-taking purposes.

MR. HUMPHREY—In last week's column you went on to chastise us scientists for being lazy. We spend the better part of 27-plus years in school as a bunch of hardworking fucks, and then graduate into the real world. When we get into the real world, we are greeted by a culture that does not value us and has "experts" who tell us we have no fucking clue what we are talking about. These "experts," and the acceptance of some of these lunatic ideas by the populace, makes us hardworking scientists just go... "Awww fuck it, why bother?" That, good sir, is why you cannot pluck your eyeballs out of your head, roll them in cocaine, and pop them back in again.

Dr. Bag O'Dicks

AW, POOR SCIENTISTS! Maybe this will make you feel better: You win this week's Mercury letter of the week, with two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, where you can watch delightful films about magical beings called hobbits, time travel, and alien spaceships!