Artwork by Susie Ghahremani

THE ELUSIVE OIL SLICK

RE: Something about women's fashion that could be compared to an "oil slick." Leggings? We're not sure.

DEAR EDITOR—Do Portland women really think they look good wearing an oil slick? If I wanted to look at the outlines of butt cracks and female genitalia, I'd go to the chimpanzee exhibit at the Oregon Zoo: At least theirs are orange. Bring back bell bottoms and bare navels. The combination is feminine, and gives the illusion of longer legs.

Brian Allan Cobb


STATES OF DUALITY

RE: My, What a Busy Week! [Aug 20], in which we suggested attending the Oregon State Fair as one of our top entertainments picks of the week.

HI—In last week's paper, a columnist suggested going to Salem to see the state fair. Instead of spending the considerable time and fuel expense for a trip south, why not go eight miles north and see the fair in Vancouver, Washington? I am sure that this fair has most/all the variety of exhibits, rides, [and] food that Salem offers. Also, if you take some time to plan, you can do the whole trip on mass transit.

Kent Livingston


LITTLE BOXES

RE: "One Small Step [News, Aug 20], regarding Mayor Charlie Hales' interest in tiny houses as a potential solution for homelessness.

Don't be fooled, those tiny houses will end up costing exponentially more with union labor and cost overruns. They are cooler than shit, but this plan, if implemented, will be nothing more than just another boondoggle.

posted by Dread Uptown


FUZZY

RE: "Here Come the Coppers" [News, Aug 20], regarding law enforcement backing a campaign against marijuana legalization in Oregon.

What?! Cops against legalizing weed?! How else will they justify their existence without old Mary Jane to harass and malign? How about you laughable dinosaurs get with the times and realize you are all hopelessly out of touch with reality. Weed is going to be legal nationally by 2020 and there is nothing you can do about it. Let it go, already. Concede your defeat and move on to things that actually matter.

posted by David A. Pope


PETLESSNESS

RE: The Mercury's X-Treme Pet Issue! [Feature, Aug 20], our second annual special feature dedicated just to our animal friends!

DEAR MERCURY—The Pet Issue was one of the best ever. Not for the usual reasons—the latest in Portland news and the arts, intelligently chosen, skillfully written, and archly delivered, some of it laugh-out-loud funny, oddly and successfully mixed with occasional glints of heartwarming sincerity and unusual insight, not to mention Ian Karmel and the best comics—but because rather than having to examine it all carefully as I typically must, you spared me that in the middle of a crazy, information-overloaded, crisis-haunted week. I couldn't spend more than a second on the cover without the frightful contortions of my face threatening to become fixed, and since innumerable pets and their insufferable owners all overpopulating, consuming everything in sight and turning it into shit, and ruining the earth are one of my mostest pet peeves, the rapid turning of pages cooled me off nicely in the heat and humidity, I saved invaluable time, and the refreshment of doing nothing useful for a while pointed my life back in the direction of sanity. Yes, in practically no time at all I was done, and could move on to other, more productive things, like chewing down an edible and comprehending the nature of the universe, or at least my miraculous fingernails, and fixing my bicycle. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the breather. Now go back to filling my head with essential information, but please, once in a while, continue to say a lot about something really stupid. You might call it fair and balanced.

Tattooless Steve

NO TATTOOS and you hate pets? How many Portland stereotypes can a single man defy?! We're giving you this week's Mercury letter of the week, since emotional detachment from other living beings, like pets, is usually a warning sign. Take these two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, sir, where there are no pets allowed!