Photo by Ashley Anderson

SATIRE EVER AFTER

RE: satire, alternative media, and the Charlie Hebdo attack.

DEAR MERCURY TEAM—I'm a French girl who lived many years in Portland and still follows your columns every week. I adopted you right from the start for your very funny humor, smart satires, and open-minded views of the world. Two days ago, Charlie Hebdo was attacked in France, and journalists with the very same opinions as you were killed. I'm hoping you'll mention this to your readers so that they know that Europe also has people who think like them, and that those people are showing a great amount of solidarity against what just happened. Thank you for your ever-good work.

Véronique


DOG AND PONY SHOW?

RE: Our coverage ["Live Blog: The Mayor, the Police Union, the Community Gather to Talk About Police Reform," Blogtown, Jan 10] of a community meeting featuring Mayor Charlie Hales and Portland Police Association President Daryl Turner talking about police reform.

Thanks for taking notes and covering the meeting. As a person who was there, I must say you've done a pretty good job of portraying the proceedings. I learned a lot as a citizen, and hope the mayor and union rep learned we aren't a good audience for dog-and-pony shows, disingenuous personal stories, and manipulated statistics.

Hales and Turner seem to think that all-white diversity trainings at posh golf courses and hiring more cops are appealing answers, despite civic outcry and falling crime rates. They also think victim blaming can distract from their own failures.

Thanks to the audience for calling out their lies and displacing their social masks and PR ploys. A larger quantity of cops does not equal a better quality of cops.

posted by Teresa Roberts

[Police body] cameras can only serve us if what's being recorded means something. We watched Eric Garner being choked to death on video and his killer still walks free. Forget cameras, I want police accountability before we buy 'em or they will only be used to develop cases against the people.

posted by Mad Mal

Surprise, surprise: another cop who blames the media for people's anger at the institution of policing in America. Simply no way to see it as people being justifiably angry at the behavior of actual cops, Daryl?

posted by Rich Bachelor


WHO'S THE BOSS?

RE: "The Insider" [Feature, Jan 7], in which we interview Portland's newest police chief, Larry O'Dea, on a variety of topics.

We will try our hardest to optimistic about this new police chief. At the very least, it's impressive that he wasn't promoted when the PPB was under a crisis and/or scandal.

posted by ThatOneBrownGuy

This new police chief is just a skilled politician, who talks out of both sides of his mouth. He supports a big force of federally militarized civilian police. This "wait and see" approach inevitably results in justice delayed. Throw the bum out, now.

posted by Damnable Dred Wog Hemp


MOVE OVER, BACON

RE: "Bacon" [Everything as Fuck, Jan 7], in which Ian Karmel bemoans bacon—not the tasty treat, but the cultural phenomenon.

This so fucking needs to be said. Bacon has gotten too damn smug, and bacon aficionados have gotten too damn proud of it. I can't enjoy a couple strips of bacon anymore, I've got to kowtow submissively and then build a three-bedroom home out of it and then maybe, just maybe, I get to eat it.

Look, I get it: Bacon's tasty. But I tried that "Bacon Explosion," where they take sausage, crumble up bacon, wrap it in bacon and more sausage and more bacon, and then dare you to eat it?

I took one bite of that monstrosity and my tongue actually jumped out of my mouth, looked at me and screamed, "IF YOU EVER SO MUCH AS LICK ONE OF THOSE THINGS AGAIN I WILL WRAP MYSELF AROUND YOUR THROAT AND SQUEEZE UNTIL YOU STOP BREATHING." Enough with the bacon already.

posted by Samuel John Klein


YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT THAT COUCH

RE: "You're Wrong About That" [New Column! Jan 7], in which new columnist Francine Colman-Gutierrez informs you about things you're wrong about... including buying a couch at IKEA.

I just bought a black leather couch at IKEA, and it's awesome. Fuck you.

Posted by Detailguy

THOUGH WOEFULLY WRONG, Detailguy will discover his horrible mistake soon enough. But to make him feel less stupid, we're awarding him our letter of the week and two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, whose seating choice decisions were far less unfortunate.