HEY MARIE: I just want to let you know I really dig your column ["Dating Tips for Horny Boys," August 31]! The condom reviews were so funny, I think I'll have to try a couple of them. One question--where do you find cola flavored condoms? Pop and latex do sound nasty, though!
Anyway, thanks for telling the guys what we really think! Hopefully they'll find more than just humor in what you say.
The Mercury responds: Delicious, nutritious condoms of all flavors can be purchased at www.condom.net.
IDIOT, IDIOT, IDIOT
TO THE EDITOR: I've asked it before, and I'll ask it again: DOES JULIANNE SHEPHERD KNOW A FUCKING THING ABOUT MUSIC? Her idiocy has reached a new low, and continues to do both your publication and its readers a huge disservice. In her John Doe Thing preview [August 31] she wrote "...the Knitters, Doe's band with Henry Rollins (!!) and others..." WHAT THE FUCK? Henry Rollins was in the Knitters? That's sure going to be news to him. Gosh, and here I thought that in 1985, when the Knitters released their one and only LP, Mr. Rollins was a bit busy fronting a certain Black Flag...but Shepherd likely has no idea who they were either. Nor does she likely have a clue who Dave Alvin is, who actually was in the Knitters (go ask someone about the Blasters, Miss "Arts Editrix" idiot).
The Mercury responds: Hey! We're not the idiots! The Virgin Encyclopedia of Indie & New Wave clearly states that Henry Rollins once played with the Knitters--so they are the idiots! However, we will happily forward your complaint (after changing all references from "Julianne Shepherd" to "Virgin Encyclopedia") to those idiotic idiots at Virgin.
BRUSH UP ON YOUR DENTAL HYGIENE
SIRS/MADAMS: Interesting dental horror story by Rick Levin ["Pain," August 24]. Can't say as I have all that much sympathy for the fellow, as we all learned in fourth grade health about dental caries and how they need fixing as soon as possible. On the other hand, you'd be doing the public a service in regards to dental care by publicizing a couple of things that I've found out the hard way. 1) Tooth fillings wear out--all those fillings you got as a kid are going to need replacing by your mid to late 30's. 2) Metal fillings are a bad idea, as they tend to wedge into your teeth and cause them to split and fracture. 3) Cracks and fractures in your teeth should be attended to promptly--there's an onlay that is much cheaper and easier than a crown that can be put on in the early stages. Dentists can't really read how deep or extensive a crack in the enamel is, so you are best off by fixing them sooner than later.
Finally, one should never pass up the opportunity to trash, embarrass, and shame the constipated honkies who run the show in this town--Portland is the largest city in the country without fluoridated water, so everyone growing up here is going to have more cavities as kids, and more tooth problems as they progress through adulthood.
Keep up the good work. I enjoy reading your magazine, and am glad to see the Willamette Wipe getting some competition.
TO OUR READERS: The staff of the Mercury would like to send our condolences to the friends and family of Terry Grob, who passed away last Saturday, at age 42, apparently of a seizure. Terry, who often referred to himself as the "Eighth Most Powerful Man in the Rock 'n' Roll Industry," was best known for his punk rock production company "Grobal Productions" and has been booking bands at EJ's since October, 1999. Terry was well respected among his peers for staying true to what he believed in (punk rock) during a time when others changed their musical focus to make more cash. According to friends, Terry died doing what he loved; he produced a rock show, paid the band, got everything taken care of, and then went upstairs and passed away.
There will be a memorial for Terry at EJ's (2140 NE Sandy) on Saturday, September 9, at 2 pm. Appropriately, GPC's, Coke Classic, and chocolate milk will be served. Stop by and pay your respects to a friend who will be sorely missed.