TO THE EDITOR: Just an FYI on Silkworm [Up & Coming, Dec 21]. Joel RL Phelps hasn't been in the band since 1994. Silkworm is Andy Cohen, Tim Midgett, and Mike Dahlquist. They rocked like sunsabitches at Satyricon last night. Have a nice day.
The Mercury responds: Wow. You are so nice. And for correcting us in such a wonderfully polite manner, we will be sending you three new CDs of very high caliber. Thanks for setting us straight!
CROWS & RAVENS: WHAT'S THE DIFF?
TO THE MERCURY: I hate people who don't know the difference between CROWS and ravens [I, Anonymous, Dec 21]! YOU Fucking city dwelling bumpkin! There are No ravens in Portland! They are CROWS! And since they are my allies, We know who you are! You who are so far from home, You, rotting in your separation, You who are a cancer in the breast of Nature. We shall soon feast on thy children's bones
The Mercury responds: Is this, like, a poem? 'Cause we don't accept them. Even in our letters section. Ever. However, you are correct. Ravens are not crows, and if we ever meet the person who sent in that I, Anonymous, they will be corrected, and asked to send you a prize. Thanks for writing!
TO THE EDITOR: Hi! I'd just like to make a couple of things clear [Plaid Sheep review, Dec 21]. I'm the bassist for Plaid Sheep and the comment this Julianne Shepherd person said about the guitarist and bassist needing to play through amps that are more powerful than Crates obviously wasn't paying close enough attention.
I PLAY A PEAVEY AND NOT A CRATE! And if this person knows anything about amps, a Peavey is one of the more powerhorse amps a person can buy whether it be for guitar or bass.
And just because our drummer has a big-ass drum set, (which by the way she plays magnificently), that doesn't give you or anybody else the right to diss on such a wonderful piece of equipment, especially when it has been featured in Drummer magazine.
Julianne Shepherd responds: Thanks for writing, Lorenna! You are absolutely right; you do play an all-powerful Peavey. However, that does not negate the fact that your guitarist plays a measly Crate. Regardless, please accept a copy of Bassist magazine to make up for my mistake. And as long as we're clarifying things, I wasn't dissing the drumset. However, may I say, any drumset that's been featured in Drummer magazine and is that big, shouldn't have such an inferiority complex.
TAKE US TO THE RIVER
TO ANN ROMANO: I'm sure this isn't the first response you've gotten to the Dec 21 issue [One Day at a Time, in which a man jumps off the icy Interstate Bridge] but the Interstate Bridge is nowhere near the Willamette. It connects Oregon to Washington and is, therefore, over the Columbia. A much nicer swim for the poor man, I'm sure, as the Columbia is a tad cleaner than the Willamette. Just thought you should know!
Ann Romano responds: Right you are! Thanks for so politely correcting my momentary lapse of intelligence, and on behalf of the Mercury and One Day at a Time, please accept our complimentary gift of five dollars. Thanks!
WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING FRESH FACED?
TO THE EDITOR: The Pinehurst Kids are a "stereotypically fresh faced, perky, by the book punk rock band"??!? [Up & Coming, Dec 21] Well at least you got the perky part right.
P.S. No, I'm not in the band but I know them and I asked them what they thought about it and they said they expected much worse from you. Ha!
The Mercury responds: The Pinehurst Kids are a stereotypically fresh faced, perky, by the book punk rock band. Therefore your friends are wrong, you are wrong, and so you get NOTHING. And in fact, you owe us five dollars. Ha!