DON'T BASH THE 'STACHE
DEAR MERCURY—"Either you get rid of it the painless way, or you get rid of it my way. You're not going to like it my way." That is just a piece of the I, Anonymous that you printed last week, and I seriously have to ask why you would print such a threatening piece ["I Don't Like Your Hitler 'Stache," I, Anonymous, April 15]? I know the person behind the moustache personally and he is truly concerned for his safety after reading this. His moustache has NOTHING to do with Hitler or being a Nazi, and as he stated to me, people need to live in 2010 and not 1947. I know the Mercury tries hard to be funny, but this doesn't even come close to being humorous. Not only should the Mercury be ashamed of itself, but maybe you can think about what you are publishing and the effects it has on people.
IT'S CALLED A TOOTHBRUSH
DEAR MERCURY—To the indignant, self-righteous goy who got his panties in a twist about the hipster with a toothbrush mustache downtown: You don't have to fight our battles for us, no one is impressed ["I Don't Like Your Hitler 'Stache," I, Anonymous, April 15]. If most Jews see some fatso betting his hipster cred on a shock look, we'll probably just laugh it off or ignore them. You, on the other hand, spouted a bunch of impotent rage about how you'd "kick his ass" for us. Buddy, if you ever see this guy again, you'll probably think about beating him, realize your parents would have to bail you out once you get charged with assault, and settle for snapping a photo of him with your BlackBerry so your idiot friends on Facebook can all agree with you on how you would have taught him a lesson if the situation was right. To Adolf Hipster: Congratulations on successfully trolling not the Jews, but this limp-wristed, politically correct sissy. You have massive chutzpah and I salute you.
ANARCHY DO'S AND DON'TS
DEAREST EDITOR OF PORTLAND MERCURY—The only person "giving anarchy a bad name" is Matt Davis ["Chasse Avenue," Hall Monitor, April 15]. Repeatedly and apparently with some spite, he conveys only their purported flaws; does absolutely no interviewing of the local anarchists or black bloc, or any general investigation of the protests at all; presents his own one-sided, biased views; and then closes by openly jacking the idea of renaming a street after James Chasse, and in the most grotesque and self-aggrandizing of ways. [Zzz... let's just skip to the end, shall we?—Eds.] From one non-anarchist to another, Mr. Davis, there is a news network to which your style of pseudo-journalistic non-commentary would pander so very well. They are your peers, equally "fair" and "balanced"; and I'm sure they're always taking resumes. You're welcome.
DO IT YOURSELF
Voltairine, I did look up anarchy on the Wiki and you seem way off ["Anarchist Ride-Along," Letters, April 22]. "Acting without waiting for instructions or official permission... the root of anarchism is the single impulse to do it yourself: everything else follows from this."
How is going on an organized "ride-along" anarchy? You are giving instructions and rules, that isn't very anarchist. A hazing ritual to show someone the ropes isn't anarchy. Destroying property is the opposite of anarchy. Anarchy is about protecting personal property. Cops aren't the law, the lawmakers and the federal government are the law. You aren't going to change anything by throwing a rock at a cop. That is just a child having a fit. Anarchy is the absence of law, not the absence of police. There will still be laws even if you manage to eliminate every single police officer. You aren't going to change anything... except your right to be a free citizen. Sounds like you are just a pesky vandal and would rather hide behind a hip bandana than actually own up to doing something you feel is right? Even though Mr. Davis is right, all you are doing by throwing annoying rocks is giving the people who actually work to give social issues the recognition they deserve a bad name.
-posted by miss on portlandmercury.com
MURDER BY AUTO
If this goes like every other murder by automobile in our state you will see the bus driver get a $242 dollar fine and be back behind the wheel tomorrow ["TriMet Bus Crash Kills Two Pedestrians," Blogtown, April 25]. This state needs to figure out that just because you aren't drunk doesn't mean you aren't at fault when you plow through five people who are legally in a crosswalk!
-posted by econoline on portlandmercury.com
EAST GOES SOUTH
I think what the mayor means is that since the city didn't have any plans for development in East Portland, there were no shovel-ready projects, so even if they wanted to, they couldn't have spent many stimulus dollars there ["East of Eden," News, April 22]. So, it isn't the acute problem of inequitable stimulus spending by the city east of 82nd that is shameful... it's the chronic problem of inadequate (or nonexistent) planning east of 82nd by the city that is shameful, and the responsibility for that lies with this city council and mayor, and everyone else who's been in those positions since the annexation.
-posted by NE-PDX on portlandmercury.com
Hey dad, you're a fucking dick ["Down in the Mouth," Savage Love, April 22]. Plain and simple. Who would want to even talk to their friend, knowing they are potentially going to be fucking their dad later? This has nothing to do with age, and everything to do with invading your daughter's personal life, and destroying her friendship. Dick.
-posted by chomp on portlandmercury.com
Mr. Novick, whom I respect greatly, addresses the how—how to fund mental health, but not the what—what to fund that works ["Money and Mental Health," News, April 22]. Though community mental health programs could always use more money, that doesn't cover all the problems the public wants addressed—visible problems, crises and tragedies. It's time for some deep benchmarking, looking at other cities, even other countries, to understand what works.
-posted by R on portlandmercury.com
Matt, I am so sick of your British smug ass ["Simon Says," Hall Monitor, April 22]. Seriously, YOU SUCK as a writer, and your patronizing, arrogant tone is more reminiscent of some effeminate, Belgian laced courtesan, and less from what I expect of this paper. Let me once again reiterate, YOU SUCK, GO BACK TO THE UK, prick.
-posted by Grouchy Adam on portlandmercury.com
I'm sure the "talent" and editors working on this project thought they had some grand Wildean satire on their hands ["Stumptown Comics Fest: Nerd Prom 2010," Feature, April 22]. However, the final product is neither clever, cheeky, fun, nor cute. (All things I get the feeling Ms. Main and Mr. Parker strive for, but frankly fail at.) All it manages to come across as is vain, juvenile bathroom trash-talk. The creators present themselves as stylish social creatures who are stooping to grace the fest with their presence. The egoism involved is astonishing and the implications held in several lines (especially the aforementioned "nerd prom," also conveniently the title) are downright degrading. Though the art has some technical merit, the content is appalling. The writing is flat, boring, and cruel. The real question is, what do the creators gain from trashing an event that they will be present at (and presumably attempting to sell their wares)? I can't see a point other than some masturbatory self-vindication of a superiority complex. And what does the Mercury stand to gain from running such a derogatory piece other than alienating a large and well-loved Portland community? I guess it's clear from their choices that they aren't concerned with that alienation. Paired with the disgrace of a cover (a third of the comic industry lives in their city and this is the best they can do?) this week's issue is nothing short of insulting. And though I do accept that editors change things to suit their aim, and that contributors don't have the pull they probably should, by accepting the edits and running this comic Ms. [Carolyn] Main and Mr. [Riley Michael] Parker have effectively given a big old middle finger to their own community. Classy, guys.
-posted by skyesidhe on portlandmercury.com
DEAR MR. OR MS. "ANONYMOUS"—Unfortunately, it is with no small amount of vexation that I must respectfully disagree with your recent sentiments about the usage of heretofore customary compositional habits within the modern "electronic mail" form ["Signing Off," I, Anonymous, April 22]. Indeed, I found the comments somewhat injudicious at best and at worst downright churlish! I say! In this brave new world of "emoticons" and "LOLs," there simply must be many out there who still appreciate the charming and elegant epistolary manners of yesteryear! There are still those of us on whom a bit of pomp and propriety are not entirely lost! Oh dear me, I seem to have mussed my waistcoat in all my excitement. There now, where was I? Oh yes. And furthermore, sir or madam, there is nothing at all bad in wishing for a society in which the trappings of bygone days still have a place and—well, blast it. Now I see I've misplaced my inkwell. I'm dreadfully sorry, but I'm afraid I must sign off here, for I fear that within a few quill strokes my efforts to convey my crossness to you may be illegible. Very sincerely, humbly, with warmest regards, and in all other ways yours,
-Mr. Goodwin T. Ellsworth, Esq.
MY DEAR SIR, I daresay you've won the Mercury letter o' the week, whereby you are made eligible for two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater and lunch at No Fish! Go Fish! where the arrangement of the silverware is always, indeed, proper.