TO THE EDITOR: [Re: "Letters," June 13, wherein a reader sides with the state's efforts to regulate Portland Organic Wrestling.] One of Paul Bradley's blatant misconceptions is that the Commission is a cure for all that ails wrestling in Oregon or the parodies thereof. What truly makes pro wrestling safe is the proper, competent training of good-natured individuals who have no intentions of injuring their "competition."
Bradley's "lawyer/doctor" analogy is completely inappropriate. When someone pretends to be one of the above, they ruin the lives of those they bilk for money. The SAS's "clients" (the paying fans) are not getting hurt in any way. In fact, judging from our turnouts, we're doing them a vital service that, sadly, pro wrestling, mixed martial arts, and the music scene cannot achieve here in Stumptown.
C. England a.k.a. "Garcia the Dirty Hippie"
Superhero Action Show (formerly Portland Organic Wrestling)
TO WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY: In your review of The Bourne Identity [Film, June 13], you referred to the cars they drive in Paris as "Matchbox cars" and "ridiculous." WHAT?!?! I hope you are not referring to the Mini Coopers shown in the preview, since those are the COOLEST CARS IN THE WORLD! Plus, almost all the coolest car chases are in foreign cities even Paris! But that's not the point! The point is Mini Coopers RULE, you DROOL!
TO THE EDITOR: Reading in last week's Mercury about the Portland Fellowship [Queer Issue, "The Worst of All Sins," June 13], an organization dedicated to recruiting its members into the straight lifestyle, I cried with sadness like the sensitive gay man I am. Many gay men and lesbians just starting to "come out of the closet" go through a stage where they'd like to become straight. The Portland Fellowship should leave them alone! I used to be a scared, lonely, wanna-be-straight teenager myself. Now I know my sexuality is a sacred gift from God. Your sexuality is, too--whether you're straight, gay, or anywhere in between. So just say no to the quasi-spiritual, faux-compassionate misanthropes, and say yes to yourself.
TO THE EDITOR: I must say, I LOVE Frank Cassano's fresh take on current events. He truly has a special frankness I admire. Have you considered using his vast talents toward the movie review section, as well?
TO THE EDITOR: I can't believe all these people are getting upset about Frank Cassano's column. He's pretty funny most of the time, but he doesn't exist. Someone else is writing the column and using some guy's picture (which is hilarious). Wake up, Imbeciles! Frank Cassano doesn't exist!
TO THE MERCURY: Would you like to know what I think about Frank Cassano? I think this whole situation has gotten out of hand. I think stupid and offensive things are printed in that column just to get people upset and send in letters. When I first saw "Imbecile Parade," I figured someone had found a photo of a creepy looking bearded guy and thought it would be funny to print a bunch of stupid, offensive stuff under this imaginary persona. And when people started to write in, thinking he was a real person, I thought it was kind of funny. And now there's all this buzz about "Frank Cassano," and it's really getting boring.
I'll bet people who like reading "Imbecile Parade" are the kind of people who go to the same restaurant every day. After all, it's the same joke every week.
TO THE WORLD: Am I the only one who understands that THERE IS NO FRANK CASSANO? What's the word for all those polemical dupes we've heard so much from lo these past weeks could it be IMBECILE? As with so much of the crap you print, Mercury, the joke has gotten old. Let's see something new--it might be amusing for a week or two, although I doubt it.
Also, Ziggy With a Hat sucks ass.
CONGRATULATIONS to Nat Crosman for winning the Mercury "Letter of the Week!" And though he mistakenly believes Frank Cassano does not exist, he still wins a full-series pass to the Mercury Summer Movie Megathon, featuring your fave camp movies at 11 pm every Friday night, starting June 28.