STAYING CLASSY

DEAR PORTLAND MERCURY—The fact that this article was published is inexcusable and appalling ["82nd vs. Lombard," Feature, Jan 20]. This article fails to acknowledge the communities and neighborhoods beyond Stumptown and mod condos. I don't care if parts of this article are meant to be facetious. This goes beyond being classist. I seriously ask the Mercury to apologize for this level of disrespect in their next issue.

-Anonymous

A SAD, SAD PLACE TO DIE

DEAR MERCURY—I live in North Portland and I must say I agree with the article "82nd vs. Lombard" [Feature, Jan 20]. The one particular part of the article that was spot-on was about Diamond Darcy's. If you are looking for a sad, sad place to die, Darcy's is the spot.

-Kelli Hale Justice

NINETEEN NINETY NOT

DEAR MERCURY—I was exactly 20 in 1990, and that is not my memory of '90s culture ["The Paradox of Portlandia," Feature, Jan 20]. It's a nice series as TV goes, I gather, but we all are aware of the difference between real life and a television show, which is manufactured artificially.

-Mezo

OLIVE APPRECIATES YOUR SUPPORT, HOWEVER UNINTELLIGIBLE

HOWDY [MERCURY OFFICE PUG] OLIVE—I stand behind you in saying that the WW can get fucked ["Fuck You, Bruce the Dog," Blogtown, Feb 2]. Pugs are cool and know how to raise some pulses when it comes down to it, much like Big Freedia or Leslie Hall. Are corgis hanging out with a couple of gangsters in a kitchen doing a bunch of gangster shit, dranking on urban-assault 4loke con zesto? I don't think so.

-Vincent Vega

HE'S ON THE TWITTER

DEAR MERCURY—Every Thursday for the past year or so a couple of old retired farts come into the Albina Press coffee house on Hawthorne, grab a cup, and get down to discussing the latest news in the Mercury. The highlight has always been Frank Cassano's column ["Imbecile Parade," sporadic]. However, for the past few months, they always greet each other on Thursdays with, "No Frank today," and sit subdued while they ponder where today's words of wisdom will be coming from. And this leads all of us to wonder, what ever happened to Frank?

-Larry Vicki Mertsching

AS YOU PICTURE US

DEAR MERCURY—Hi, I read your Super Bowl article and I must say, your taking on the Super Bowl and NFL as a whole is genuinely ridiculous ["Super Bowl: a Decade of Hate," I Love Television, Feb 3]. Playing football is a very active, healthy sport. Just wanted to say as you picture us being dumb, steroided, dread-headed thugs, is far from what we are. I would say I would picture you being an overweight World of Warcraft nerd, who has nothing better to do than bash America's all-time greatest SPORT EVER.

-cj holder

SAVE THE HIPSTERS

DEAR MERCURY—Can we please start a donation drive for hipster protection? It is passé to bitch about hipsters (whatever the fuck a hipster is), but not passé to bitch about people bitching about hipsters (whatever the fuck a hipster is)... Are these the same bitches upset about the use of the term yuppie or bourgeois???

-Oxygen Elmo

DID SOMEONE FORGET to tell us this was Black-Out Drinking Week or something? You guys seem to be having a harder time than usual expressing yourselves. Oxygen Elmo seems more ponderous than potentially combative, though, so we'll hand off two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater and lunch at No Fish! Go Fish!, where he probably won't get tickled, sorry.