RE: "Art Walkin'" [March 13], a first-person account of March's First Thursday art walk.
DEAREST MERCURY—In these economically trying times, I want to commend you on apparently hiring eighth graders to review the arts for you, since I'm quite certain that A.L. Adams' family appreciates the help. The subtle comparison of the sky to a robin's egg, the description of cyclists emerging from their shells, and capping it off with "Amid this new light and vigor, why would my art walk still start out sparse, dark, and simple? Call it contrarianism or confidence—I don't care" in just the opening paragraph was inspiring, especially coming from a 12-year-old.
Brian Thomas Auker
RE: "Ask Paddy O'Shamrock: The White Supremacist Leprechaun" [New Column!, March 13], in which readers write in to ask advice from a white-supremacist leprechaun. No, really. Okay, not really.
TO THE MERCURY VIA VOICEMAIL—Hi, my name is Joe Talbot. Normally I don't get upset or contact [you] about issues, but I was reading this week's Mercury that just came out today, and, I gotta say, the side column that you guys put in this week about "Ask Patty O'Shamrock, the White Supremacist Leprechaun," I feel it was in very poor taste to allow this to be submitted. I understand that it's supposed to be in a joke context, but at the same time, I feel that putting things like this in your magazine is just reiterating the fact that racism is still prevalent. And whether it's poking fun at it or not, it still parrots, so I guess what I'm saying is that you just lost a reader. Thanks.
RE: "Something to Crow About" [I, Anonymous, March 13], which this reader is about to paraphrase for you right... now...
TO THE EDITOR—I've read the Merc for almost 20 years [That's crazy impressive! We've only been around for 13 years!—Ed.] and it's easily my favorite local rag. One Day at a Time and Savage Love are always entertaining and the restaurant and film reviews are often spot-on. However, WTF has happened to I, Anonymous? I remember the office worker who'd come in early to smear her vaginal secretions on coworkers' desks and keyboards; the person who poured sugar into an ex's gas tank, or, more recently, the bloke who'd been banging his friend's mom after chancing upon her in a Northeast bar one afternoon. Now, however, it's usually a pathetic rant submitted by some feeble piece of rubbish who, when offended by someone, has to run home and write down all the things they WOULD have said or done if only they'd been quicker and/or not such a colossal pussy. Last week's column sank to a new low with some cheese dick complaining about his neighbor's car being parked on the street, rather than the neighbor's driveway, AND facing the WRONG direction. I can't fathom why this is so shattering to said cheese dick, but IT IS! Rather than, say, speaking to his neighbor like a grownup or even creeping out in the dead of night to vandalize the car himself—not cool, but at least requires SOME bottle—this punk spreads bread crumbs on the car, then gets up early to watch birds do his fighting, THEN mocks the owner for not guessing what it is he's done wrong. And you've published it.
RE: "Correct Grammar vs. Common Usage" [Letters, March 13], in which reader Paul Pappas writes in to chide a letter writer, and the Mercury, for permitting use of the phrase "less people."
TO PAUL PAPPAS—I was appalled when noticed your misuse of the term "Pidgin English" in your recent letter to the editor. As everyone knows, a pidgin spoken by children as a native language is a syntactically distinct entity called a Creole. Does it seem silly that I wrote to a newspaper to critique a small semantic error from another letter writer? I must admit that it did when I read your letter.
WOAH, BURN! High five, Julia! You've won this week's letter of the week, which gets you two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, where they play Hollywood movies that are RIDDLED with semantic errors!