DEAR ANONYMOUS TRASH CAN LOVER—I know we all have our priorities ["Spiritual Dog Shit Unity," I, Anonymous, March 31]. Some of us like to respect our neighborhood and take care of our dogs by walking them and picking up their shit. Some of us like to keep our TRASH cans smelling nice for the whole neighborhood to enjoy. You know, it's the differences that keep it interesting.
Please! I beg all of you! Stop using fucking Facebook ["I Wish I Knew How to Quit You," Feature, April 7]!!! Everyone has become so boring, it's like a world of fucking pothead girlfriends.
-posted by GrowUpMoveOn
I think the laws as far as underage sex are fine ["The Logic of Sex Laws," News, April 7]. I wish my mom had put the 33-year-old I fucked when I was 17 in jail. It was consensual, but now that I'm older I see how much he took advantage of my being so much younger then he was. Turns out the fucking lowlife loser had THREE kids from three different women! He hadn't even given me his real name and I'd known him at least three months before we had sex! I think someone older would have seen right through this piece of shit!
-posted by Truth.set.u.free
Laws should have some grounding in the reality of what is happening in a society ["The Logic of Sex Laws," News, April 7]. When the median age for a woman to start having sex is less than 16 but it is illegal until she is 18, then something is wrong with the law.
-posted by econoline
Good job to the "twat" who told Anon to STFU ["Cheer Up," I, Anonymous, April 7]. She's a hero. The only chant that could be "outdated" is "You Suck, Asshole." This chant is completely unacceptable. As a group, the Timbers Army has been trying to have the chants be positive and civic minded, the kinds that those in the Westside stands wouldn't mind hearing their kids chant on the car ride home. Anonymous clearly is not a regular member of the Timbers Army yet his profanity-laden chant would reflect on the entire group. He's the hooligan here, not the Timbers Army woman who confronted him.
-posted by diabloblanco
Wait, people give a fuck about soccer ["Cheer Up," I, Anonymous, April 7]? WAIT, people give a fuck about SOCCER CHANTS? Um hi, I'm the government collapsing any second. Pay attention to me? No? Too heavy for you? Need the yell yells and the beer beer and the kick the ball net, yay net? Poo poo?
-posted by yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeah
PORTLAND MERCURY—I believe it important that Kanye West ought not be made fun of sans angry, nonsensical rebuke ["Cognac Concerns," Letters, April 7]. How dare you!? I will have you know that the jaunty way in which you poked fun at this multimillionaire pop star is absolutely unconscionable and it will not stand! Can you not see that he's black? I will have you know that Portland could use a lesson in "race-relations building," and Mr. West is to be considered off limits until such time as said relations are as smooth as Kanye's unblemished bum. Good day to you, sir. I said good day!
AND A GOOD DAY to you, Sonora! It just got better, because you won the letter of the week, which nabs you two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater and lunch at No Fish! Go Fish!, where the relations are as smooth as the pureed soup.