THE IDIOT'S LIST (DOES NOT EXIST)

DEAR S. HUMPY—I was very entertained to see the argument between some idiot and the editor of your lovely paper regarding the freshness of the "I, Anonymous" articles ["Another High-Minded Debate Between the Editor and a Mercury Reader," Letters, Jan 5]. In it, Mr. Hump asks if he should post a list of things the idiot should actually give a shit about. If you have it on hand, I am certain that I would love it! Keep up the good work!

-Hank

THIS IS HOW WE DO IT

DEAR MERCURY—Our unprecedented Occupy movement has given the American people a voice for their grievances and for their hopes, and now we have that voice on our side ["It's Your Occupation, Too!" Feature, Jan 12]. But to keep the public on our side, we must demonstrate that their concerns are our concerns and are being acted upon with wisdom, skill, and urgency. If we are serious about our grievances and truly committed to making this country our own, then We the People must occupy the US Congress. Only by winning a 218-seat majority in the US House of Representatives and a 60-seat filibuster-proof majority in the US Senate will we have the numbers necessary to actually shift power from Wall Street to us. We can either honor ourselves by taking power, or remain on the outside looking in, endlessly reacting, constantly defending ourselves, and forever appealing to corporate politicians.

-Rich Cohen

CULTURE WARS

Now I get it ["Plaid Pantry," Last Supper, Jan 12, reviewing the Woodsman Tavern]! The whole lumberjack thing, the cheesy faux-folk music that is just a pastoral parody of real folk, these are an assumed hipster identity! These trends are ways that the rootless hipster class establishes an identity of being Portlanders—by expropriating "rustic" tropes. There was this I, Anonymous awhile back about how s/he missed the "old" Portland ["Wherefore Art Thou, Portland?" I, Anonymous, Jan 12]. I tend to agree. There was this really great native Oregonian culture that these implants just never bothered to learn about in their drive to be fashionable and compete with their true compatriots in New York and other "glamour" cities.

-posted by jamdox

All "foodie" culture everywhere in the nation mixes in rustic elements with other things ["Plaid Pantry," Last Supper, Jan 12, reviewing the Woodsman Tavern]. But say you're right—what kinds of culture can anyone embrace anymore? No matter what it is, people will say it used to be better, it's played out, it's been usurped and corrupted. A single "authentic" Oregonian culture? Never existed. You're a dupe just like anyone else, except those belonging to actual traditional cultures that cities wiped out a long time ago.

posted by geyser

THE CARPETBAGGERS OF YESTERYEAR

I was born and raised in San Francisco, another city that filled up with carpetbagging doucheholes (including a great many from Portland, Oregon) who raised rents, snatched up jobs, and fornicated my husband ["Wherefore Art Thou, Portland?" I, Anonymous, Jan 12]. I was angry too. When I got older and got cancer, I decided if I survived it might be time to move on. So I did live, and I took my bald, breast-cancer body to Portland to start over and pretend it never happened. I know it's annoying, I know. But some of us are nice people, and we needed to leave the place that we were for a reason. We like you, and we like your city. Give us a break.

posted by Justice

WELL AT LEAST we like you, Justice, and that's why you win this week's letter of the week prize: two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, where you can take in films set in a limitless number of cities, eras, and hipster population levels.