Dear Reverend Hanson: Is George Bush a hypocrite?
DEAR WORRIED: Why of course he is! After all, "Hypocrite" stems from the Greek Hypocrates, the pagan god of medicine and trigonometry who granted Pythagoras the Hypotenuse. And lo, with Hypodermic strength George Bush has injected Holy Terror into the hearts of those who would terrorize God's Country with their evil weapons, deeds, plans, or ideas. For George Bush is God's Chosen President!
Hallelujah! Who but the unsaved and deluded still believe the American President should be elected by a majority of the people? No, he is appointed by a Higher Body, of infinite resource and mellifluous sophistry, whose Rule is Eternal and whose Plan is Classified!
Praise be to George Bush the Educator! For he has taught the world a lesson about Messing With Him!
Praise be to George Bush the Environmentalist! For with God's Furious Swiffer he shall mop up an unclean land!
Praise be to Bush the Miraculous, for he shall transubstantiate the body and blood of God's foes into the oil of God's Rototiller, to fuel thereby the Great Landscaping foretold in Revelation!
Praise God! Has He ever blessed our government with a hypocrite of such majesty? Gaze upon our President--has he not a Hippocratic Face? Wise as Solomon, his hippocampus teeming with hippocras! Proud and noble as the ancient Hippogriff! Praise his obedience to his Master, his loyalty to his Peers, and his firm grasp of simple Subjects! Praise him!
Swear with me now this Hypocritic Oath:
WE PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE LORD
OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,
AND TO HIS PRESIDENT, GEORGE W. BUSH.
PROTECT AND CODDLE OUR NATION,
AND TEACH THE WORLD TO RECOGNIZE THE POWER OF OUR FATHER'S LOVE,
THE WISDOM OF HIS WRATH
AND THE KINDNESS OF HIS KILLING.
AND WAKE IN READINESS,
FOR GOD IS AMERICAN,
AND HIS HYPOCRISY IS INFINITE.