Nothing makes a party better than the muscley ass cheeks of a MALE STRIPPER in my face, deftly plucking a dollar bill off my nose. YesÉ oily pecs make me hot. But until my next birthday, when someone rents me up a piece of man meat, I guess I'll just watch my favorite stripper flicks.

- 54 (1998)--Okay, so maybe Ryan Phillippe doesn't actually play a stripper in this vastly underrated trash classic, but he and Studio 54 coworker Breckin Meyer prance around the entire movie shirtless and clothed only in gold satin super short shorts. It's a homo-rific cheese-fest with an amazing cast, including Mike Myers, Neve Campbell, and Salma Hayek. The story is pure fable, recounting the hay days of the famed titular New York nightclub. It's like Boogie Nights lite--but who cares when Ryan Phillippe squirms around in short shorts!!!

- A Night in Heaven (1983)--I want flesh, and Christopher Atkins supplies plenty as Ricky the Rocket, a failing community college student who starts an affair with his professor, Lesley Ann Warren, after she spots him at the strip club. This was supposed to be the flick that established Atkins (Blue Lagoon, Pirate Movie) as a serious actor. Whatever. Veteran director John Avildsen (Rocky, Karate Kid) can't make anything meaningful out this heap of poo. But who's looking for meaning in a stripper movie? Not I!

- For Ladies Only (1981)--Gregory Harrison (Trapper John, M.D. ) struts his hairy stuff in this AMAZING early '80s made-for-TV movie. Now on video, you can check out for yourself the male version of Showgirls. Harrison is a nice boy from Iowa fresh out of college with a degree in drama. Of course he goes to New York to make it on Broadway, but things just aren't working out until fellow "actor" Marc Singer (Beastmaster) introduces him into the world of fast cash, lovely ladies, and skimpy G-strings. GrrrrÉ get'em tiger! BRIAN BRAIT