MUSIC—Thanksgiving is always a little less thankful when you've had to pay to see awesome shit the night before. The Mercury and Mississippi Studios could prey on this "busiest bar night of the year" business with gouge-y cover charges, but we refuse! This month's Ear Candy promises a free ass-kicking show, courtesy of Hurry Up, Chanterelles, and Mothertapes. DVH
Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, FREE

MUSIC—Can the storied walls of Ash St. Saloon contain the furious pummeling of technically brilliant, sonically bracing glory that is a Lord Dying show? Best find out and take advantage of the intensifying effects of shredding metal in small, clubby confines. MS
w/Castle, Norska, Holy Grove; Ash Street Saloon, 225 SW Ash, 9 pm, $10


DANCE PARTY—Roll on down to Portland's favorite dance floor at the Spare Room, because tonight DJ Gregarious is breaking out the funk for some of the sweatiest, drinkiest, stone-cold grooving you're likely to find in a turkey haze. He'll be spinning some delicious disco at Jive Turkey, so put on a stretchy sequin number and shake that gravy boat. Best of all, the boogie is free. CF
The Spare Room, 4830 NE 42nd, 9 pm, FREE

HOLIDAY LIGHTS—First, let's manage our expectations: Just because we can take our cars on the Portland International Raceway doesn't mean we get to drive like maniacs. However, we do get to see an absolutely charming display of holiday lights (including animated ski jumpers and artistic displays of each of the "12 Days of Christmas"), while listening to Xmas tunes on the radio. IT'S NICE. It's not racing around at 200 MPH.... but IT'S NICE. WSH
Winter Wonderland Holiday Light Show, Portland International Raceway, 1940 N Victory, through Dec 28, 5-9 pm, $18 per car


THEATER—We imply it every week in these pages, but you're goddamn fortunate, Portland. The latest example: Bad Reputation Productions' faithful and hilarious take on the stop-motion classic Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is back for a second season. Rudolph! On Stage! has all the elf dentistry and questionable '60s mores you crave around Christmas. And Merc Editor Wm. Steven Humphrey's undulating snowman body will possibly creep you out. Bring the kids! DVH
CoHo Theater, 2257 NW Raleigh, Thurs-Sat 8 pm (no show on Thurs Nov 27), through Dec 20, $21-24

BLAZERS—The 21st century used to be just a fictional setting. But in the real 21st century, a man named Z-Bo is leading something called the Memphis Grizzlies to the top of the NBA. It sure as hell sounds like sci-fi, doesn't it? Hopefully the Portland Blazers can introduce some hardwood reality to this picture. BR
Moda Center, 1 Center Court, 7 pm, $16-211


COMEDY—Stand-up comedian Matt Kirshen is a baby-faced Brit who's been a finalist on Last Comic Standing and done the late-night show circuit, with sets where he says "lovely" and "delightful" a lot— words which pretty much describe his personality onstage. His accent complements his smiling wit, so you're guaranteed a jolly good time at Funny Over Everything, the reliably funny monthly showcase. CF
w/Philip Schallberger, Barbara Holm, Gabe Dinger, Sean Jordan; Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 9:30 pm, $10

MUSIC—Maybe you missed it when Horse Feathers marked the release of their latest album, So It Is with Us, with a close-knit show at Music Millennium back in October. Consider this one of the perks of having such a dreamy, shimmery band living right in town with us: They're playing again. Which means you've got no excuse for skipping out this time. DCT
w/the Cave Singers, Alialujah Choir; Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 8 pm, $17-20, all ages


THEATER—With Thanksgiving out of the way, theaters everywhere march out a scourge of Christmas Carols—some fine, some uncanny-valley-creepy (see: the Muppets' version, starring that puppet without eyes)—but Second City's Twist Your Dickens is the funniest, with no reverence for Dickens' morality play, which sounds like a helluva lot more fun than watching any other version. MB
Portland Center Stage, 128 NW 11th, Tues-Fri 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun 2 & 7:30 pm, plus Thurs noon, through Dec 24, $25-69

FILM—This weekend, the NW Film Center presents a little bit of noir in their aptly named A Little Noir series, showcasing five lesser-known noir flicks. Today you can see two of them, either separately or as a double feature: 1947's Dark Passage (starring Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall) and 1950's Thieves' Highway, which, promisingly, features a "produce dealer with a heart of stone." EH
Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park, Dark Passage at 4:45 pm, Thieves' Highway at 7 pm, $8-9


MUSIC—It takes only one minute and 12 seconds to fall irreversibly in love with Toronto's Alvvays (yes, it's pronounced "always"). That's how long it takes to get to the soaring, blissful chorus of "Archie, Marry Me," a glorious, slow-melt prom anthem that sounds like Teenage Fanclub and the Ronettes co-captaining a comet. Luckily, the rest of Alvvays' marvelous self-titled debut is just as good. NL
w/Absolutely Free; Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $10

SCIENCE—OMSI's monthly Science Pub shindigs are reliably fun and entertaining and illuminating affairs. Maybe not this one, though—not if you live in the West Hills, smug in your view-preserving victory over real-city skyscrapers, or right below them. Tonight's all about landslides and the mayhem they cause, the neato physics behind them, and how remarkably difficult it is to prevent them. DCT
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7 pm, $5, all ages


MUSIC—While Thee Oh Sees were barely gone long enough for us to miss them, any opportunity to see the legendary live show of the now-LA-based John Dwyer & Co. is cause for celebration. Tonight there's two chances—including an all-ages early show—to catch their madcap, third-eye, psychedelic garage rock. Get ready to bomp! NL
w/Jack Name; Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 5 pm (all ages) & 9 pm (21 & up), $15

BOOKS—Pulitzer-winning writer Richard Ford jauntily named his latest, Let Me Be Frank with You, after his protagonist (Frank), leading to speculation that the famously cranky prose stylist's gone soft. Find out for yourself at tonight's reading, which pairs well with old man slippers, a snifter of whiskey, and telling those neighbor kids to pipe down! (And stark prose. And ennui.) MB
Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 7:30 pm, FREE