THURSDAY, AUGUST 31

MUSIC--Hip-shaking mamas, come one,come all. Maceo Parker's devil-may-care hornblowing promises to shake even the most stubborn booty. PB (see Up & Coming, page 15)
Roseland Theater, 10 NW 6th Ave, 224-2038, 8 pm, Charge-by-phone, 224-TIXX, $29

LAST THURSDAY--So you think it's a good idea but you've never actually been? See our Visual Arts Calendar on page 24. Then get off the couch and see some art. KD Art On Alberta, Alberta St. Galleries on Alberta, 6 pm-9 pm, free

FRIDAY, SEPT 1

ROCK--The Gossip: Obnoxious, loud, and amazing. Even if you hate their music you'll love their show. It's rock in its purest form. KD
Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 225-0047, 9 pm, $8,

SATURDAY, SEPT 2

MUSIC--Well, you could go to the Oregon State Fair to see rising stars "Def Leppard"...or...you could just stay in town and see IQU, one of the best fucking live electronic acts in the whole world. But hey, whatever! It's your choice, man! JS
Ohm, 31 NW First, 223-9919, 9 pm

BUMBERSHOOT--Though Seattle's annual music/art festival can be hit or miss, this one's worth the three hour drive. Highlights includeMötorhead, George Clinton, Big Star, Tracy Chapman, Joan Jett, Source of Labor, Sister Spit, De La Soul, Jimmie Dale Gilmore, Jonathan Richman and more! WSH Bumbershoot, Corner of Third Ave N. and Mercer, Seattle, (206) 281-8111, for more info go to www.bumbershoot.org, all day, $16 per day

SUNDAY, SEPT 13

THEATER--Hot off the Irish skillet, playwright Martin McDonagh brings his award winning play, The Beauty Queen of Leenane, to town. A mother and her spinster daughter lock wits in a grossly contorted (and entertaining) knight-in-shining-armor fairytale. PB
Artists Repertory Theatre, 1516 SW Alder, 241-1278, 2 pm, $22

DRAG PAGEANT--A pretty girl is like a melody...and so's a pretty guy! Don't miss the splendor as Darcelle XV Productions present La Femme Magnifique International--a pageant to crown the most glamorous female impersonator in the world! (See Up & Coming pg. 17) WSH Grand Ballroom, Double Tree Hotel, Jantzen Beach, 909 N. Hayden Island Dr, 222-5338, 8 pm, $25

MONDAY, SEPT 4

CORN MAZE-The Indians called it a labyrinth. With ten-foot-tall rows of corn stalks spread across five acres, it's easy to get lost in Sauvie Island's corn maze. It takes about an hour--longer if you're stoned--to find your way through the back alleys and dead ends. PB
The Pumpkin Patch, Sauvie Island, 621-3874, open until 8 pm, free

MUSIC--Yummy biscuit French New Yorkers Tahiti 80 evoke the spirit of the late '70s jet set with their shiny, sexy, modern pop. Think Aristotle Onassis, white wine, and false eyelashes, mes cheries. Rowwr! JS Satyricon, 125 NW Sixth, 243-2380, 9 pm

TUESDAY, SEPT 5

CHEERLEADING-Ready? O-KAY! Bring it On beats the rest of the summer's flicks by giving us what we really want: realistic dialog, a moral, cute boys, lip gloss, and SPIRIT! Wooooo! JS
Bring it On, various theaters, See page 33 for times

WEDNESDAY, SEPT 6

MODEST MOUSE-Many a lady has fallen to her knees while Modest Mouse rocked them into unmatched adoration. You too can experience some of the best ex-indie music ever, as well as the cutest boys. KD
Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 225-0047, 9 pm, $12-14