PING PONG PANDEMONIUM!—Local musician Kaia Wilson (the Butchies, Team Dresch) is headed to Germany to compete in the Gay Games in ping pong... and tonight, this ping pong spectacular help sends her there! In addition to music by STLS and DJ Permanent Wave, there'll be a frantic doubles ping pong tournament featuring musicians like Janet Weiss and Carrie Brownstein, along with a grudge match between the Mercury music writers (Ezra "Paddle Ace" Caraeff and Ned "Slannamanna-ding-dong" Lannamann) and the Willamette Week music writers (Casey "Chokes-a-Lot" Jarman and Michael "Ping Pong? What's Ping Pong?" Mannheimer). Oh snap! EH
w/STLS, DJ Permanent Wave; Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 8 pm, $5

SOLACE—Rough day? Money troubles? Heartache that the bottle can't heal? There's only one cure, friend, and that is the bittersweet songwriting of local novelist and musician Willy Vlautin. His band Richmond Fontaine plays country-tinged music that comes from that place where the bottle is closer to empty than full, and the pony you backed is losing the race. NL
w/Kevn Kinney, Scott McCaughey; Dante's, 1 SW 3rd, 9 pm, $10-12


LOUD—If you're in the mood to be smashed in the puss by a wave of sonic delight, then Health is for you. Mashing electronica, hard-as-fuck rock, sad sack vocals, raw experimentation, and an incredible amount of volume, Health will make you dance, jam, and wish you could do it all over again as soon as they finish. WSH
w/Indian Jewelry, Gold Panda, Soft Metals; Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $12

PUFFY—You'd think the porn would be the selling point, but at this year's Portland Underground Film Festival, a mechanical shark trumps sex. PUFF showcases national and local underground film talent with the likes of bike porn, two locally filmed features, and a ton of short experimental films, but Saturday's documentary The Shark Is Still Working sounds fantastic—narrated by Roy Scheider, all about the ins and outs of the making of Jaws. CF
Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, Thurs June 10-Sun June 13, $6-8, see PUFF Piecefor more info,


76 TROMBONES—The Grand Floral Parade is one of the cornerstones of civic involvement in Portland. It's gaudy, loud, and packed with perpetual pageant waves—a rolling spectacle of jaw-dropping forced fun you are compelled to attend every year. Don't fight it. PAC
Parade starts at Memorial Coliseum, 300 North Winning Way, 10 am, FREE

BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE—The School of Rock kids have done some awesome tributes so far, but this might be the awesomest of all—they're taking on Talking Heads' concert film masterpiece Stop Making Sense from start to finish. Don't miss the chance to see them performing classics like "Once in a Lifetime" and "Psycho Killer"—and who knows? The big suit might make an appearance. NL
Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th, 1 & 5 pm, $10-12, all ages


BIG FISH, SMALL POND—For the past 12 years or so Matt Pond PA has had little difficulty writing and singing glorious little pop songs, so it's not surprising that his latest, The Dark Leaves, continues this tradition. The pace is tempered, the guitars jangle, and Pond's voice sounds as warm as ever—proof that sometimes change is a very bad thing. EAC
w/Wintersleep, the Lonely Forest; Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $12

DRAGON'S MILK—Ah, the Rose Festival's quirky boating events. Kids across Portland glue together empty half-gallons for the Milk Carton Boat Race at Westmoreland Park. And on the river, nearly 100 teams compete in the curiously intense sport of dragon boat racing. (It's a boat; it looks like a dragon.) SK
Milk carton race at Westmoreland Park, SE McLoughlin & Bybee, 11 am, FREE; dragon boat race at Tom McCall Waterfront Park, SW Harrison & Naito, 8 am-4 pm, FREE


DRAMMY—Portland's theater community toils year-round for little pay and less recognition (sorry, guys). Tonight, join them for a well-deserved collective back-patting, as awards—dubbed the "Drammys"—are given out for the best shows of the year. AH
Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 7 pm, FREE

CRUZ CONTROL—What happens when the ghost of your dead mother comes to visit—and won't leave? That's only one of the storylines in Pedro Almodóvar's wry and charming 2006 comedy Volver, starring a never better (or hotter) Penélope Cruz. NL
Pix Patisserie, 3901 N Williams, 8:30 pm, FREE


WIZARDS GONE WILD—Lev Grossman's bestseller The Magicians takes a familiar premise and dials the angst to 11. The protagonist of The Magicians finds himself unexpectedly admitted to a "college of magic," where coming-of-age hijinks unfold against a fantastical background—think Hogwarts with sex, booze, and cocaine. AH
Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 7:30 pm, FREE

GIANT SQUID!—OMSI's IMAX Film Festival is in full swing, and today boasts one of the coolest-sounding flicks they have: Sea Monsters, a film that brings to life ancient oceans that "teemed with saber-toothed fish, ancient sharks, and giant squid"! Now picture those things on a five-story-tall IMAX dome theater. Yeah. I don't even need to say anything else. EH
OMSI, 1945 SE Water, noon, $6.50-8.50, Sea Monsters through June 20


WORK IT OUT—Here's your chance to swoon all over South London synth-pop mainstays Athlete in a dimly lit and intimate venue. Easy, tiger: Try to hide your drool. You're probably going to be surrounded by at least another 200 dedicated swooners. ND
w/Carney; Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $13

HAKUNA MATATA—I'm not ashamed: I fuckin' love Disney's The Lion King. There's Rafiki runnin' around being all Yoda-y and shit, Timon and Pumbaa crackin' wise, Jeremy Irons as a grumpy lion, a plot that tells the story of Hamlet but with adorable animals—AWESOME. Tonight, the touring production of Julie Taymor's Broadway adaptation hits Portland with crazy costumes and staging, and it will be fantastic. Motherfuckin' circle of life, yo! EH
Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay, 7:30 pm, $23.50-125, through July 11